When the time is right, and God brings you the special person He has set aside to be your spouse, make sure that in this process, you keep your eyes on the Lord.

The enemy does not want you to have a great marriage. He does not want you to be free and full of joy, because this works against him.

So, if possible, he will try to deceive you and keep your heart from connecting with holy things as you date. He will try to tempt you in one way or another. The Bible says he constantly searches for people to devour:

Be well balanced and always alert, because your enemy, the devil, roams around incessantly, like a roaring lion looking for its prey to devour. (1 Pet. 5:8 TPT)

You are probably familiar with the idea of saving yourself for marriage—but did you know that keeping sexually pure is more than just a “church” concept or something certain people choose to do? First Peter 5:8 is just as true in your dating life as it is with anything else. The enemy wants to see you fail in this area.

As the enemy works against you, dare to stand in courage and faith.

When Leon and I speak with engaged couples, they often tell us, “Oh my goodness! We know we’re going to get married, but it’s like we can’t contain ourselves!”  

We encourage them, “Keep your treasures, and discover on the night of your wedding the gifts God has given you. That night is coming soon—you can get there.”

You can get there too. Here are two excellent steps for defeating the enemy’s attacks against you and your relationship. Whatever specific thing he is attacking—your sexuality, your purity, your peace, your thought life, your courage, your plans for the future—these two steps will help you triumph over him.

1. Renew your mind to the truth of Jesus. Do you know who you are in Him? Do you know how He feels about you and what He says about you?

I have a dear friend I will call “Grace.” When she was five years old, her mother abandoned her, and Grace grew up in the foster system. She struggled with distrust of adults and a deep fear of abandonment. One day a friend invited her to church, and she learned that Jesus knew the sting of abandonment too. And this revelation changed her life. God Himself had experienced abandonment, just like she had, and she didn’t need to fear any longer.

Today when the enemy tempts Grace to be afraid, she goes straight to Scripture and renews her mind: 

Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you. (Heb. 13:5 NIV)

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline. (2 Tim. 1:7 NIV)

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humans. (Ps. 118:8 NIV)

Renewing your mind to God’s truth helps cut off the enemy’s temptations. Whatever you are dealing with in your relationship today, whether the issue is sexual or not, work to renew your mind. Devote yourself to this, and read His Word, pray, cast all your cares on Him, and learn how to think the way Jesus thinks.

Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind. (Rom. 12:2 ESV)

2. Carefully guard your mind and heart. By this point in your life, you’ve probably discovered some mental and emotional places that are not healthy for you. What can you do to keep yourself from sliding into those holes?

Having boundaries is not just a physical issue—it is also a mental issue. We need to guard our mind and heart because that is where sin starts. Having sexual thoughts about your partner is normal. Those thoughts are a part of human sexuality. We desire to be married to someone, to be one with them, and those thoughts will go through our mind at times. The goal is to practice having good boundaries and give those thoughts to Jesus, instead of holding on to them and fantasizing about the future.

Remember, sex is a gift from God. It is a very good thing, but it needs to be enjoyed with wisdom, patience, and the timing of the Lord. 

Heed my warning:
        I charge you not to excite your love until it is ready.
    Don’t stir a fire in your heart too soon, until it is ready to be satisfied. (Song 8:4 VOICE)

Anytime you find yourself dealing with thoughts that are not appropriate for where you are in life—perhaps sexually, but it could also be thoughts of fear, abandonment, shame, jealousy, or anything else—pray. Pray by yourself, but also pray with your partner. Make a habit of connecting with them this way. Hold each other accountable through prayer and by making wise choices.

The enemy wants to see you and your partner fail—but God wants to see you win.

As His child, you have been given the right to walk in His precious light and victory. The next time you feel like you’re failing, say this out loud: “God wants me to win this battle, and I am walking in His victory. He is with me, and I am going to see my enemy’s defeat.”

Your heavenly Father loves you more than you realize! For more about His amazing, unending love, check out Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more. The book is also available in Spanish.

Other articles from Salomé Roat and Becoming the One:

• Why Are Some Christians Afraid to Talk About Sex?

• Why Your Future Spouse Needs You to Know Who You Are

• Relationship Fears? Focus on What God Is Saying About You

• 5 Ways to Grow in Your Identity and Marry Well