Loving Your Partner Even When Their Flaws Are Showing
Photo by Yuriy Bogdanov
Christmas can be a romantic time of year for many couples—but it can also be a time of anxiety, pressure, and stress. All the beautiful activities, traditions, and family gatherings of Christmas sometimes poke at the “weak places” (unhealed wounds) in a person’s heart.
Over the next few weeks, you’re probably going to see some of your partner’s shortcomings, and they will probably see some of yours. This raises a question:
When the weak places become visible, how are you going to respond?
True Love Sees the Other Person’s Flaws and Doesn’t Run Away
For to us a child is born,
to us a son is given. (Isa. 9:6 NIV)
True love is much more than that feeling you get when everything is going well. When both partners are healthy, true love looks like trusting each other and developing a lasting friendship, where you can accept and love one another even though neither of you is perfect.
They have flaws and shortcomings, and so do you. You’ve seen each other’s flaws—at least some of them—and you’ve chosen to love one another anyway. That is the beauty and power of love. Not that everything is already perfect, but that true love can make things perfect by choice.
Unconditional Love Makes a Commitment
And the government will be on his shoulders. (Isa. 9:6)
For love to make such a choice, there has to be commitment.
True love doesn’t work without commitment. That’s why people who are not willing to commit to one another usually end up walking away from the relationship.
Similarly, relationships where people choose to live together to “try things out” often fail because unconditional love isn’t allowed to exist when there are conditions. The commitment is vital because it allows you to see the other person’s flaws, which they certainly have, and yet choose to love that person anyway because you’re committed.
Real love takes you to a deeper level of understanding. When there is no commitment, there is no way for the love to grow, become real, and step into that deeper understanding.
Real Love Looks Like God’s Love
And he will be called
Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace. (Isa. 9:6)
When sin entered the world through humanity’s disobedience, God provided a plan to get all of us back to a place of personal communion with Him, where we walk in divine love. Not a “love” that keeps a record of wrongs and builds walls, but a love that looks just like His love.
God the Father sent His Son, Jesus, as a tiny, innocent Child who needed other humans to take care of Him. Christmas is a celebration of the most beautiful commitment any human has ever seen—the Creator showing love to those who didn’t deserve it. He saw all our flaws…and He sent His love anyway. That’s what real love does, and that is why the commitment part is so important.
Out of all the different points in the universe, God chose this planet to be humanity’s dwelling place, and He is working to draw it back into what He always desired it to be: a peaceful and loving earth where He is welcome to live among us. Just as He loves us, we are invited to go out and love others. Marriage is one place where this love is seen the most clearly.
Love Makes a Way
Of the greatness of his government and peace
there will be no end. (Isa. 9:7)
Our heavenly Father knows all our flaws, shortcomings, weak places, and sins—but He does not reject us. We celebrate Christmas because real love makes a way for the loved one to be loved no matter what.
This is not an article about red flags in a relationship. Red flags should be addressed and—in all likelihood—avoided.
But some of us get scared and run away from people who are just people. People who have faults and need forgiveness from time to time. All of us, no matter how hard we’ve worked, are in that category, and we can’t expect to meet someone who is not in that category.
The special, sacred, precious love of God can see a flaw and choose to be with that person anyway. He loved the world—all these people who didn’t deserve Him—and He sent His Son to save them. That is what Christmas means, deep at its heart.
When you have this kind of love with your partner, you can know with certainty that you have true love.
Your heavenly Father loves you more than you realize. Other articles from Salomé Roat and Becoming the One:
For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more. The book is also available in Spanish.