Is your relationship stressing you out?

Is your significant other stepping on your last nerve—and maybe you don’t even know why?

All of us go through emotional situations with our partner, and understanding what we’re feeling in those times is a skill we have to learn.

Knowing what we’re feeling doesn’t come naturally. Nor does our ability to express those feelings. That’s one reason we can find ourselves dealing with stress or getting angry or afraid in our relationship.

“I can’t believe you said that. That was so hurtful.”

“What are you talking about? That wasn’t hurtful. You’re taking things the wrong away—again.”

Stress is not a fruit of the Spirit, which means it doesn’t have to be a part of who you are and what you’re doing. You don’t have to stay in this situation, where you’re dating someone you love but feel stressed out—and probably exhausted.

Instead, you can listen to God, do what He tells you, and take steps to see the relationship become better. Your heavenly Father doesn’t leave things the way they are—He constantly works to improve them (John 10:10; Rom. 8:28). So you can expect your life and your relationship to get better with time, not worse.

Let’s talk about a few things you can do to relieve the stress in your relationship.

When Leon and I first got married, we had several communication hoops to jump through. Some of them, thank God, were resolved right away because both of us were willing to listen to the Lord and grant the other person forgiveness, as well as the benefit of the doubt.

But other communication issues were harder to deal with. We kept getting frustrated during certain conversations because it felt like the other person just didn’t understand.

When we didn’t or couldn’t express our feelings well—and sense that the other person understood what we were trying to say—sometimes we started “acting out” in unkind ways that didn’t look anything like Jesus.

When you don’t know how to express yourself, stress can become a significant factor.

“Are you angry? Why are you angry?”

“I’m not angry.” 

“Yes, you are.” 

“No, I’m not. Stop nagging me. I don’t like nagging.”

“I’m not nagging you! See? You’re mad!”

If you aren’t sure what you’re feeling, take the time to figure it out. 

The Bible often talks about waiting on the Lord, and communication in a dating relationship is one of the areas where we can apply that concept.

What is He saying about you and your partner? How is He leading you? Are you afraid or worried about something? Do you have a need that isn’t being met? What’s the root cause of the stress? 

Every relationship needs communication tools. So when you discover a “hole” in your communication, go find the tools you need.

Over time Leon and I learned we needed to find the right communication tools to help us express our emotions and listen well to one another.

Both of us became better at active listening. We listened on purpose and showed the other person that we really were paying attention. We offered verbal cues and engaged in the conversation, purposefully drawing them out. This kind of listening honors the person and what the Lord put inside them.

Humility is another excellent communication tool. It allows you to hear what your partner is trying to say instead of getting defensive because they happen to use the wrong word or tone.

Remember, one of the most important things you can do in your relationship is listen to God and the other person’s heart. Whatever it takes, learn to listen. 

Activate your heart with Jesus this week. Go sit with Him for a little while and see what He says.

Grab your journal, go to a quiet place, and ask the Lord to help you understand what you’re struggling with in your relationship. Talk to Him openly about your stress levels, annoyances, and fears, and let Him lead you and give you the right words.

The Bible says the Lord is greater than our hearts and He knows everything. That passage can be very comforting when there are a lot of emotions, and we don’t know what’s going on.

This is how we know that we belong to the truth and how we set our hearts at rest in his presence: If our hearts condemn us, we know that God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything. Dear friends, if our hearts do not condemn us, we have confidence before God and receive from him anything we ask, because we keep his commands and do what pleases him. (1 John 3:19–22 NIV)

Your heavenly Father loves you more than you realize! Here are a few articles on related topics:

• Setting Great (and Realistic) Expectations for Your Marriage

• The Game Changer in Your Dating Relationship

• 3 Ways to Tell If Your Dating Relationship Is Taking Too Long

• How God’s Love Can Heal a Man’s Heart                                                                                                     

For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more. The book is also available in Spanish.