It’s Okay If the Person You’re Dating Isn’t Perfect
Photo by Henny Kasa
If you want to get married, but it seems like dating just doesn’t work out for you—have you ever wondered if maybe your expectations are too high?
Obviously, this is a sensitive topic. You do not want to set the bar too low and just date or marry anyone. Red flags are a real thing, and you need to pay attention to them.
Also, God wants to give you the desires of your heart, and it’s important to know what those desires are and be clear about what you’re looking for.
But at the same time, you have to remember that people are people. You’re just normal, and anyone you’re interested in will just be normal too. You’re looking for someone to spend the rest of your life with—not a movie character who doesn’t make mistakes and always knows what to say.
Minor relationship issues can be magnified into major flaws when you hold the person you’re dating to an impossible standard.
When my husband and I met, we had multiple points of immaturity that God was still working on, but one thing was clear to both of us: We loved Jesus with all our hearts, souls, minds, and strength. I saw that deep love in Leon, and he saw it in me. Yes, we were still growing up in certain areas, but we knew that on the inside, the most important character traits were already there.
When God eventually confirmed in my heart that Leon was the man He had for me, I kept this truth private for a long time. I prayed for His perfect timing about taking the next step.
Throughout this process, there were a few silly things I didn’t like about Leon, and I’m sure Leon felt the same way about me. These were not red-flag issues—they were trivial things that did not matter in the end.
Instead of nitpicking and being a perfectionist with yourself, your friends, and the person you’re dating, learn to focus on character and the heart.
Sometimes I think people are looking for perfection in a future partner, but true friendship is about growing and getting to know each other, accepting some of the flaws the other person has, and praying that God will move in the midst of those flaws—theirs and yours.
Dating with purpose, as friends, is recognizing that God is in the middle of the situation, molding you to be more like Him as you pursue a healthy relationship based in His peace.
I’m surprised at how many people lose hope and think it’s almost impossible to meet an amazing, godly spouse. Many believe “all the good ones are taken” or they don’t exist, but that isn’t true. The Lord is in the business of training, equipping, and guiding His people into becoming godly, mature men and women who look like Him.
This is a season when God is touching hearts more than ever. A season when people are asking for the impossible to be possible and for hearts to be healed. Many people are learning how to be a loving, humble, forgiving, sacrificial, selfless human being. I am watching people be transformed.
God keeps on transforming my husband, and He keeps on transforming me and making both of us more like Jesus. He started this process many years ago, and He will continue it until it is complete.
He is leading us into perfection, and He’s doing the same for you.
We look away from the natural realm and we focus our attention and expectation onto Jesus who birthed faith within us and who leads us forward into faith’s perfection. His example is this: Because his heart was focused on the joy of knowing that you would be his, he endured the agony of the cross and conquered its humiliation, and now sits exalted at the right hand of the throne of God! (Heb. 12:2 TPT)
We’re all on a journey. Some of the qualities you’re looking for in a spouse may already be inside the person you’re dating, but those qualities simply aren’t mature yet. Pray about this and see what the Lord says. He will tell you what’s going on.
Be encouraged because God in His great mercy is helping His kids become more like Him. Don’t look for a spouse who has it all together—look for one who listens to Jesus, obeys Him faithfully, and loves Him dearly.
Other articles from Salomé Roat and Becoming the One: