Why Are Some Christians Afraid to Talk About Sex?
Photo by Trần Long
Why is it that so many kind, well-meaning followers of Jesus avoid the topic of sex?
Why is there this suggestion that sex is “dirty” or bad and should not be openly discussed in Christian families or groups?
Is this hesitancy with sex something the Bible teaches? Or does it come from another source?
Here are a few of my thoughts on the matter.
Negative Thoughts About Sex Do Not Come from Christianity
Christianity itself does not paint a negative picture of sex. Sex is not a taboo topic in Scripture. In fact, the Bible is clear that sex is beautiful, something we want, and a gift from God.
Where, then, does the “Sex is bad!” idea come from?
I believe it comes from the enemy. The devil will always try to take things that are good, godly, and beautiful and turn them into perverted, dirty schemes that will keep people from walking in the truth. The enemy is in the business of figuring out ways to transform what is godly into what is disgusting, and sex is one area where this happens all the time.
“This is something good that can help people, so I should try to ruin it as much as I possibly can.”
It is not Christianity or biblical teaching that has made sex an awkward topic in the church. The enemy has done this. He has worked hard to contaminate the minds of people who don’t know the Lord. Then, when those people meet Jesus, they carry into their faith a false understanding of what sex is, how it was created, and how beautiful and pure it can be. This false thinking is taught or transferred to other people, and we end up where we are today—with many believers in Jesus who need to renew their minds where sex is concerned.
The Enemy Has Played a Huge Trick on Singles
To deceive people away from the goodness of the Lord, the enemy has played a trick on singles. From an early age, young people are told, “Sex isn’t this special thing that should be saved for only your spouse. Good grief, why would you think that way? Having sex isn’t a big deal! You can be intimate with someone at any time. Don’t you want to be popular and well liked? Then don’t be weird! Do what everybody else is doing.”
The truth about sex is that it is a blessing from heaven. It is good and holy. It is something worth waiting for, and it needs to be handled according to God’s ways.
Because sex is one of many, many things that reveal the goodness of God to us, the enemy does his best to teach people a wrong view of intimacy. Being one with our spouse is a strength. Making love with the one, special person God has given us is a powerful act. Therefore, the enemy attacks it and tries to take it down. “You don’t need to wait until marriage. No, just go for it.” He will tempt us at any time, with any kind of circumstance, because he is trying to lure us away from God’s goodness.
Why Do We Need Sex?
No matter what we might have been taught, sex is pure and good, and it is something we need—especially men.
Let’s take a brief look at why men and women need sex.
Why Do Men Need Sex?
From my discussions with my husband, the husbands of friends, as well as certain pastors, I can tell you that the act of sex has a profound impact on a man’s life—and not just physically. When it is holy, it actually helps draw men closer to God, closer to their spouse, and closer to how they were made in God’s image. It is a fulfilling experience that connects them with the fullness of heaven.
In His beauty and generosity, God gave men a good way to be more fully themselves, according to His light and glory, as they are gentle and tender with their spouse.
Why Do Women Need Sex?
For women, making love is an act of beautiful intimacy that comes directly from the heart of God as He blesses us. When sex is holy, we can see how our husband pursues us with so much love, kindness, and tenderness, and we know we are accepted the way we need to be accepted. This is an acceptance that goes beyond physical beauty and age, and the older we are, the more we need this kind of acceptance.
For women, one of our key desires is to have emotional intimacy with our spouse. The lack of this intimacy is sometimes why couples stop having sex a few years into their marriage. Men need to understand how to listen to a woman’s heart, which is why I like to say that sex starts in the morning. It starts when each spouse pays attention to the other’s heart and needs and chooses to love each other in a very sweet, emotional, fulfilling way—with agape love, which is the beautiful acceptance of God.
What Do YOU Think About Sex?
What about you? Do you see sex the way God does? Or is something trying to distort your view of this holy, wonderful physical act God made?
If you recognize you don’t think about sex in a healthy way, ask the Lord to help you renew your mind in this area. Here are some ways you can work on this:
Go to Jesus and ask Him, “Why am I thinking this way about sex? Why do I believe that sex is bad or will somehow stain me?” God can show your heart how to look at sex in a healthy, intimate way that will take away any impurities.
Renew your mind with Scripture. Several portions of Scripture talk about sex, intimacy, and relationships.
Find godly people who are trustworthy, and ask them your questions. “What do you think about this? What does the Bible say? What have you learned about this?” Try to hang around couples who are healthy and can answer your questions and pray for you.
Your heavenly Father loves you more than you realize! For more about His amazing, unending love, check out Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more. The book is also available in Spanish.
Other articles from Salomé Roat and Becoming the One: