The Unexpected Part of Preparing for Marriage
Photo by Muhammadh Saamy
When we talk about preparing for marriage, many of us list things like learning good communication skills, active listening, how to pick up after ourselves, etc.
All those things are good, of course, but one key piece of marriage prep involves something more—we need to learn how to open up our heart to the Lord, so He can heal our emotions with His love.
Many people overlook or don’t understand that aspect of getting ready for marriage, but it’s one of the most important steps we could ever take.
No matter where you are in the dating process, even if you haven’t been on a date in months or longer, you can start becoming the one for your future spouse right now. Practice opening your heart to Jesus as a way of preparing for marriage.
The Gentleness of Jesus When You’re in Pain
Jesus constantly looks past our circumstance to our heart. The circumstance—that is, the outside appearance of things—isn’t His main concern. Instead, our heart holds His complete focus.
Some of us are really struggling because the circumstance looks bad. We did something, we said something, we participated in something—and now we’re battling shame, fear, intense anxiety, and a nagging lack of peace that we can’t seem to overcome.
Some of us are trying to conquer a sinful behavior, and we know we’re a mess and that we need help.
But the circumstance is not what Jesus sees. He rightly divides between what is us and what is the pain. We are not the pain we’re going through. The Bible makes that abundantly clear:
I’m a mystery to myself, for I want to do what is right, but end up doing what my moral instincts condemn… So if my behavior contradicts my desires to do good, I must conclude that it’s not my true identity doing it, but the unwelcome intruder of sin hindering me from being who I really am. (Rom. 7:15, 20 TPT)
Your true identity is “a child of God.” That’s the stamp you bear. As you open your heart to the Lord, He will come flooding in and bring the healing you need.
The Beauty of God in Difficult Stories
Perhaps one of the boldest scriptural statements Jesus made on the topic of healing is John 4:13–14:
Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life. (NIV)
Many of us are familiar with that verse, but sometimes we don’t remember the person He said it to—the woman at the well.
Like many of us, the woman at the well had a tragic story, and it was no accident that Jesus chose to meet with her. He knew she had emotional baggage and was in need of deep healing, and His words carry an even greater impact as we consider the woman’s circumstance. This wasn’t somebody who had it all together. One after another, her marriages didn’t work out, and now she was living with a man who wasn’t her husband.
This woman’s story is a beautiful picture of the healing Jesus offers to each of us. The circumstance she found herself in wasn’t pretty, but that wasn’t what Jesus focused on. He looked straight to her heart, and He recognized what was there.
“This woman wants Me. This is someone who longs for Me—she just doesn’t know how to get there. Well, I’m going to help her get there.”
Your Heart Is His Treasure
We can look at the circumstance. Or like Jesus, we can look at the heart.
Jesus knows the truth about you, child of God. He is not caught up in your outward appearance. The thing that distracts others—the mistake, the thing you wish you’d never done, the struggle that’s causing you shame—it doesn’t distract Him. He is looking at your heart, and He knows how much you love Him.
To prepare for your marriage, choose to open your heart to the Lord. He already sees it, and He knows the truth about you—the real truth, not just what’s visible to others. Get ready for your marriage by letting Him make you whole with His love.
For more on this topic, check out Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. The book is also available in Spanish.
Other articles from Salomé Roat and Becoming the One: