These “What Do You Think?” articles can be used for individual reflection as well as group discussion times. If you have any questions, feel free to email us at btomovement@gmail.com. 

Does the thought of conflict scare you? 

Conflict in a relationship doesn’t always mean what most people think. It does not, for example, mean the relationship is doomed to fail, because conflict can lead to resolution and result in genuine communication and understanding. 

When my husband and I got married, we had to learn how to talk to each other and deal with our problems. I tend to be the kind of person who likes to resolve problems quickly, whereas my husband’s style is to avoid certain conflicts and put hard discussions off until later. Once we discovered that conflicts were inevitable, we were able to work at effectively resolving disagreements through active listening and genuine communication. We had to learn when to be humble, when to defer, and when to accept we were wrong. 

Both men and women need to feel valued, honored, and cherished. When we lay down what we think we deserve and how we think we should be treated, we receive an amazing measure of joy.

Most couples need to go further than simply learning how to be effective communicators. They need to be willing to cherish and respect each other first. Then once their hearts are active, they can engage each other in conversation, genuinely listen, and empathize. This is what the Bible calls delighting in each other. Couples need to learn to hear each other’s hearts, which lays a foundation for delight. 

At the end of the day, conflict can actually be helpful. When handled well, it brings problems into the light and helps couples face their issues instead of ignoring them or giving them room to grow. 

What Do You Think?

1. Do you feel you are good at communicating with others? Why or why not?

2. What is the hardest part of communicating with your significant other?

3. What is the goal of good communication?

4. How do you resolve conflict?

For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more.