Irritation happens—it’s a fact of life. All of us have our own opinions, personalities, histories, wounds, and defenses. It is a given that we will irritate others from time to time, and others will irritate us.

But what happens when the source of our irritation is a boyfriend or girlfriend? What then? Does it mean the relationship is doomed?

Not necessarily. Prayerfully go over the following questions, and see what God reveals to you.

1. What Is Going on Inside You?

Why are you irritated? Is it really the other person’s fault, or is something going on in you?

When we take the time to pause and ask God why we’re feeling a certain way, we will often discover something we didn’t know about ourselves. It could be we are dealing with something internally that is causing us to feel irritated with this person.  

This first step—being aware of our feelings and asking God why we are irritated—will help us sort out what is going on in our hearts. It will help us see more clearly. From there, we are in a better position to discern if something needs to change in the other person…or if it actually needs to change in us.

2. Are You Learning to Communicate?

Do they have poor hygiene? Bad manners? Are they insensitive?

If certain things bother you about your partner, make sure you learn to communicate about these things early in your relationship. The worst thing you could do is choose to ignore certain things that, with conversations and prayer, could change. By communicating about these things with your partner, you could actually change the course of your entire relationship for the better.

Start by talking to God about what’s bothering you, and then have a conversation with your significant other. With as much kindness as possible, verbalize what is irritating you. As a couple, establish good ways to communicate with one another and learn to trust each other.

No matter our age, gender, or experience, all of us have a need to be heard and understood. If you can hear and understand your partner, and they can do the same for you, the two of you are on the path to a strong relationship that will endure.

3. Are These Irritations Actually Red Flags?

On the other hand, if you recognize that certain behaviors and deep issues keep coming up in your relationship, it’s a good idea to consider their seriousness. Are they just irritations, or are they actually red flags? Ask God for wisdom, and seek counsel from parents, mentors, and people who know you well.

You may also want to take a look at your reasoning and motives. Why are you dating someone who irritates you and stirs up negative emotions in your heart? Are you truly delighted with this person? Why or why not?

All of us are imperfect people on a journey to becoming freer and healthier. The more we communicate vertically with Jesus and horizontally with each other, the more we will learn to deal with conflict and difficult circumstances.

Look inward and see what God is doing inside you. Practically speaking, when you are healthy, you will attract a healthy partner.

The Main Thing

When you feel yourself getting irritated with your partner, seek to encounter the love of God, because as you do, you will experience growth. You will be healed and find your true identity, and you will discover He has given you a better story than you expected.