4 Reasons Not to Be Ashamed of Your Dating History
Do you feel trapped by your past?
A lot of people look at the mistakes they’ve made and start to feel hopeless:
“I can’t believe I did that.”
“Why did I think dating this person was a good idea?”
“I was desperate to be with somebody. It didn’t matter who it was. And now I have to deal with the consequences.”
“I knew sleeping with this person was a mistake, but I did it anyway.”
“I gave up what was precious for something that was not precious.”
“How can God possibly love me? He knows exactly what I did.”
Whenever shame comes and knocks on our door, we need to remember something about the Lord: that He loves the ones who have wandered. He is the good Shepherd who leaves the rest of the flock and goes after the one who made wrong choices. And when He finds the lost one, He rejoices.
You might feel horrible about yourself because of the past. But God is rejoicing over you.
Here are four biblical (absolute, set in stone, firm, unmovable) reasons you don’t need to carry the shame of your past.
1. “My Creator loves me dearly. I am beautiful and valuable to Him. He is rejoicing over me.”
If a man has a hundred sheep and one of them wanders away, what will he do? Won’t he leave the ninety-nine others on the hills and go out to search for the one that is lost? And if he finds it, I tell you the truth, he will rejoice over it more than over the ninety-nine that didn’t wander away! (Matt. 18:12–13 NLT)
Matthew 18:12–13 is how your heavenly Father feels about you. Read it as a description of who you are and how He is treating you. If you have regrets about your dating history, do not allow those regrets to tell you, “You have ruined everything! God is displeased. You ruined your chances forever.” No. Allow the Shepherd to tell you how pleased He is with you.
2. “When I repent for my sin, the sin is gone. It’s done. Jesus is faithful to forgive me when I ask—every single time.”
If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. (1 John 1:9 NLT)
God is very good at separating His kids from darkness.
If you have not repented for the event causing you shame, take a moment and do so. But chances are, you have repented—you just don’t feel forgiven yet. There are many reasons our emotions “act out” and try to tell us things that are not true. So there will be times when you need to stop them in their tracks and speak the truth over yourself instead: “No. What my emotions are saying right now is not the truth. I am forgiven. I am my Father’s treasure. He loves me without ceasing. He has set me free from darkness. That is what His Word says, and I believe it.”
3. “Jesus makes me strong in the areas where I am weak. He is building me up, and I do not need to be ashamed of my weak places.”
Your word is a doorway that lets in light,
and it helps gullible people understand. (Ps. 119:130 NOG)
Where are you “gullible” right now? Where are you vulnerable to shame and hopelessness? In that place, the Word of the Lord is a doorway that allows His light to come in. His Word will give you understanding and tell you what the truth is. “You are not darkness. You are light.” Read His Word, and soak your heart and mind in it.
4. “I am not what shame says I am. I can go to God and ask Him for the truth, and He will tell me.”
I made the earth, formed it, and set it in place. My name is Yahweh. This is what Yahweh says: Call to me, and I will answer you. I will tell you great and mysterious things that you do not know. (Jer. 33:2–3 NOG)
Jeremiah 33:2–3 is a description of who the Lord is on a daily basis. He is like this when you’re doing well in life, and He is like this when you feel like a failure. He is the Keeper of All Secrets, and He wants to share those secrets with you. You can call upon Him, and He will tell you everything you need to know.
Where do you need His “mysterious” intelligence about who you are? Where do you need His wisdom in your dating life? Ask your questions, and don’t be afraid.
This next week…
Look up the following verses, and ask the Holy Spirit who you are based on what these verses say:
John 3:16
John 1:12
1 Thessalonians 5:5
Psalm 127:3
Acts 11:9
Make a list of statements about yourself based on these verses and what you sense the Holy Spirit is saying, and go over this list every day for as long as you need to.
Take courage, child of God. You are loved without end.
If you’re interested in learning more about your true identity, please join us on August 20 for our True Identity Workshop! It is possible to walk in total and complete confidence in your identity as God’s child. Click here to learn more.