How to Overcome Blind Spots in Dating
Whenever we talk about matters of the heart, we also need to talk about blind spots—the places where we think we know what’s going on, but we don’t really know what’s going on.
We all have blind spots. Not just in dating, but perhaps especially in dating!
We need someone to come alongside us and help us see what we can’t. Sometimes this is a person or a group of people (friends, mentors, parents), and it is always the Holy Spirit. The Bible calls Him the Helper for a reason, and He helps in dating relationships too. He’s the only One who always knows exactly what is happening behind the scenes.
Starting a relationship leads to an emotional attachment. This is a good thing in the right situation and timing, but outside of that situation and timing, it can increase our blindness and potentially lead us into a relationship that isn’t ready.
Have you ever considered or made the following statements?
“They don’t know Jesus, but that’s okay. I can show them who He is.”
Can you show someone who Jesus is? Absolutely. That is and always will be true for you. You are a child of God, and you carry His presence everywhere you go. He loves you, and you get to shine His love to other people.
The issue is, problems arise between two hearts when one wants to follow Jesus and one does not. When one heart is righteous and one is not righteous.
Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? (2 Cor. 6:14 NIV)
What is it about being “unequally yoked” that produces pain? It isn’t that couples spend their marriage arguing about what the Bible says. Rather, religion affects how we spend our time, how we spend our money, and how we raise our children, and disagreements over such issues can lead to unhappiness and, unfortunately, divorce.
“I just need to find somebody! I don’t want to be alone anymore.”
You are a precious child of God who doesn’t need to settle for a relationship that is not His best for you. Waiting is not always easy, but if you will give God time, you will find His heart.
I’ve known many people who met, fell in love, and got married despite the warning signs, and eventually they found themselves in poor or even traumatic marriages. This is heartbreaking, especially because it didn’t need to happen.
A lot of people see marriage as their way out of the trauma of their current situation. They think marriage is the answer to the anguish in their hearts. “Once I’m married, everything will be better.”
When we think marriage is the answer, we can find ourselves in the painful position of rejecting the Lord’s voice and the warnings of friends and family.
“I just met this person, but I feel so amazing when I’m with them. I just know they’re the one.”
Many people experience heartbreak because they decide to start an exclusive, emotional relationship too early in the process of getting to know someone. Quickly jumping into a relationship can lead to a painful jumping out of the relationship later.
Relationships, like a person, need time to mature. We don’t have to endure one painful breakup after another in order to find the person God has for us. We just need to pray and give ourselves time when we’re getting to know one another.
Song of Songs 2:7 puts it this way:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.
Most people would love to meet their prince or princess on the first date, but the road to an excellent, godly marriage is usually a little longer. We can trust the Lord to lead us into His promise, even if it takes a while.
What Is the Answer to Blind Spots?
How can you discover the truth about your dating relationship? How can you shine a light on potential blind spots and figure out if someone is a good match for you for the long haul?
Here are three things you can do to get a good idea of what’s really going on in your love life:
1. What is God saying? God is the One who created us, and He wants only good things for us and our relationships. That is the reason we pray ahead of time, before we step into a relationship with someone, and ask for His counsel. What is God saying about this person you’re considering? How is He leading your heart?
2. Get the advice and counsel of mentors, parents, and people who know you well. Those closest to you can usually see potential problem spots more clearly.
3. Recognize that even if you feel you don’t deserve His help, God still wants to help you. Many, many believers in Jesus deal with strong guilt because of past mistakes in relationships. They feel like failures and have a difficult time loving themselves. Perhaps you can relate.
The truth is, God is a good Father, and He loves you more than you know. He is always willing to help you find your way. That remains true even now, when you can think of a few things you regret. God is still willing to help you. You are still the beloved child of His heart.
One area where you get to see your heavenly Father’s tenderness toward you is your dating life. He is here to guide, protect, and encourage you all the way.
Your heavenly Father loves you more than you realize. Other articles from Salomé Roat and Becoming the One:
For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more. The book is also available in Spanish.