One Way to Know If Your Relationship Is Going to Work Out
As we mentor couples, Leon and I frequently observe that people tend to make assumptions about one another.
They come to conclusions that aren’t quite accurate. Sometimes this happens because they’re still learning how to communicate. There’s something they need to talk about, and they haven’t talked about it yet or they don’t know how to address it.
But at other times, assumptions can happen because the couple is rushing ahead of God’s plan. This person may be exactly who God has for them, but they need to wait a year or two—maybe so a deeper level of maturity and trust can grow between them. Or maybe so one of them can meet Jesus in a way that changes both of them.
Time does not heal all wounds, but taking your time gives you a chance to find out what’s real. Time is like a fire that proves the heart (Deut. 8:2).
You aren’t going to marry a “perfect” person. But you can marry a mature person who will listen to you and grow with you. Time helps you see what you’ve got—who this person really is.
I’ve heard that we can pretend to be someone else for about six months, but at that six-month marker, pretending gets difficult.
Most experts say that two years is a good indicator of a mature relationship, one that’s ready to take the next step and become permanent. Personally, I believe that less than a year is not enough time to prepare someone for married life; however, this may be especially true with a younger couple.
On the other end of the spectrum, prolonged dating isn’t necessarily healthy either (unless certain elements are involved). A relationship that’s “taking forever” could mean it’s stopped growing, one or both people don’t have peace about the relationship, or they aren’t sincerely delighted with one another.
The simple truth is, if you’re willing to trust the Lord with the timing of your marriage, if you’re willing to wait for Him, He will show you what’s real—about yourself, about the person you’re dating, about His beautiful plans and purposes for you.
Through God’s love, and really encountering His love on a personal level, you will naturally become a better person. He will heal you and show you who you are—and He will do the same for your partner, as the two of you pursue Him together. God can do amazing things when we allow Him to be in charge of the timing.
You can expect your future spouse to have strengths and weaknesses. Just as you will never be perfect, your marriage partner will never be perfect either. But with God, this is okay. He knows what He’s doing with your relationship, and you can trust Him.
The only perfect One is Jesus, and His perfection is limitless.
To all perfection I see a limit,
but your commands are boundless. (Ps. 119:96 NIV)
Is there any area in your life where you need to relax and be okay with how things are right now? Where do you need to give the Lord the timing of something that’s important to you?
“I don’t expect you to be perfect, and I don’t expect myself to be perfect, but we are going to grow together and learn. I will listen to you, and you will listen to me, and I know God is making something glorious with us, because that’s what He does with imperfect people.”
Be willing to wait on the Lord concerning your marriage. Give Him your time—and understand that this simple act of trust is actually a deep act of worship. He will surely answer your prayers and guide you into the good future He has written for you.
Your heavenly Father loves you more than you realize! Here are a few articles on related topics:
For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more. The book is also available in Spanish.