Is It WISE to Take a Risk in Dating?
Is it wise to take a risk in dating, even if you’re unsure about the person?
The short answer is, it depends.
Certain risks are important. Stepping out and getting to know someone new will always be risky at one level or another. That’s true whether you’re meeting someone you might want to date, or if you’re getting to know a new friend or coworker.
Friendships are risky because humans make mistakes and do dumb things from time to time. We hurt one another and can make poor decisions. But no one knows the risk factor better than our heavenly Father, and He loves us anyway. He works with us with great patience, so we can become healthy and more like Him.
When it comes to dating and risk-taking, here are a few things to keep in mind.
1. What is God telling you?
The problem with dating and risk-taking is that so many of us don’t think to ask God what He’s saying. Or we don’t want to ask Him because we might find out His opinion is different than ours.
But the Lord is our lifeline and our roadmap. He knows what we need and where we should go, and He is constantly working things out for us in the background as we trust Him.
Whatever the topic or concern, what is God telling you? Are you learning to hear His voice?
Get in the habit of seeking God to hear what He’s saying. Not just about dating, but about everything.
“What are You saying, Father? What are You directing me to do? Where should I go next? What is Your heart for me and this other person? What are You saying about them?”
For further reading: “It’s Time to Believe the Good Things God’s Saying!”
2. Adopt a friendship mindset.
When you don’t know what to do, sometimes it’s a good plan to wait on God’s guidance—and start enjoying your friendship with the other person at the same time. Hang out with them, get to know them as a friend, and go on adventures with them.
Some people believe it’s a waste of time getting to know someone who might not be “the one.” I understand the sentiment because getting to know someone new is scary and can feel vulnerable. But if you are able to step into the situation with a “just friends” mindset, you will end up with a friend, no matter what.
Problems arise when you’re mentally interviewing all the people you know and operating out of desperation. “I’m going to go out with as many guys/girls as I can until I find the right one.” That, in my opinion, is not a natural and healthy way to uncover the special person God has for you.
Every time a decision needs to be made, learn how to be at peace. You don’t have to be tense and uncertain about dating; you can be a secure individual who loves the Lord, knows what He’s saying, and can date without fear.
For further reading: “Guarding Your Thoughts in Fearful Times”
3. Purposefully go to the right places.
I know several people who met their significant others on dating sites. Sometimes dating sites work out for people and sometimes they don’t. I know other couples who met at church or at their job. Again, sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn’t.
My point is, do whatever you think the Lord is leading you to do. If you sense He’s telling you to join an online dating site, go ahead and do it. If you feel like He wants you to join an outdoors group or visit a park or get coffee at a certain café, go to those places and keep your eyes open for whatever He may do.
Take a different kind of risk, and trust God to lead you even when you can’t sense His leading. Sometimes just waiting and intentionally looking to meet someone in the right place will bring you pleasant surprises, as it did for me when I met my hubby at a Holy Spirit conference.
The story God tells with one person may not be the story He tells with another, which is why paying attention to His leading is so important. If you don’t know what He’s saying, go talk to someone who hears His voice. They may be able to shine some light.
For further reading: “Do You Need to Step Out of Your Dating Comfort Zone?”
4. Why are you hesitant about this person? Why does getting to know them feel like a risk?
To find out what’s going on—both in your own heart and with how the Lord is leading you—you need to know why someone feels like a risk. What makes you unsure about this person?
If it’s a character issue, that is a red flag and you need to pay attention to it. Pray about the person, pray for them, and seek wise counsel from people you trust. You never need to go out with someone you don’t feel comfortable with.
However, if this is simply new territory for you and that’s why you’re nervous, then shake off your fear and get ready to be bold. What if this person is someone God wants you to get to know? What if this person would be perfect for you, and God knows it, but you do not because the person’s “packaging” is not exactly what you expected?
Again, the answer is to seek the Lord. Listen to His leading, and get to know His heart for you. Find out what He’s saying, because in this place of leading and following, risks become grand adventures that are worth it.
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For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more. The book is also available in Spanish.