Do You Need to Step Out of Your Dating Comfort Zone?

Photo by Jake Sloop

I hear so many women say, “He just isn’t my type,” and I laugh on the inside.

Yes, at times that is a true statement. Two people might be a horrible match for each other.

But at other times, the result of that statement is a closed door for men who might not deserve it. It’s a safe, cautious way of saying no to some amazing guys who might actually be worth the risk.

Soon after meeting Leon, I discovered he was an amazing Christian guy and—this part I knew the moment I saw him—he was really cute! I could tell he was a catch, but I didn’t think he was right for me. He didn’t seem like my type.

If I had stuck with that conclusion—“This guy is just not my type”—I wouldn’t have opened my heart to him. I would have missed out on a beautiful future I really, really wanted. Even more important, I would have missed out on God’s best for me. As time went on, I found out Leon was God’s type for me, and so he became my type. 

There are times when well-meaning single women use the phrase “He’s not my type” because they’re afraid to step out of their comfort zones. We can’t allow fear to close doors that our heavenly Father might want open.

The Problem with Fear

This subject does, of course, require a word of caution.

I’m not saying that you should go out with someone you feel uncomfortable with—not at all. But I do want to say that fear can do funny things to a person’s heart. I was so afraid of missing God’s will with Leon that I convinced myself I didn’t actually like Leon. Because I was afraid, all I felt was fear.

I learned early in my Christian life that fear was a word I didn’t want. I was determined not to listen to fear, so I had to pray hard and trust that Jesus knew what He was doing.

In this process, God was extraordinarily faithful to me. He confirmed His will by changing my feelings and helping me to see that Leon was the man He had brought for me. Once my fear was gone, everything shifted in a short period of time. I did a complete 180 and realized I couldn’t live without Leon—I fell hard for this hot Christian guy, and we’ve been married for nearly twenty-nine years.

It’s amazing what fear can hide or shut down in a person’s life. Danny Silk, author of Keep Your Love On, says some interesting things about fear and relationships:

When we align with fear, we begin to engage with false perceptions, anxiety, and blame-shifting and become unrecognizable as Christians. The only way we come back to our true “normal” and start protecting our relationships with both the Holy Spirit and with others is to check our hearts and realign with love. 

Go to God for Wisdom

Fear isn’t always easy to see. We need our heavenly Father, who is always loving and patient with us, to open our eyes. That is the only way we can discern the difference between what is merely fear and what is real.

No matter who is involved, dating always takes a good deal of discernment, prayer, and seeking God for His leading and wisdom. It is also good to talk to godly friends and mentors who can pray for you and help clarify what God is saying.

What You Can Do If You’re Afraid

If, after reading this article, you’re wondering if fear is messing with your dating life, the absolute best thing you can do is go spend time with Jesus. Ask Him your questions, read His Word, and listen for His quiet voice.

What is He saying to you about this person you might be interested in? When you put aside your fears, how do you think He’s leading you? 

Just as He did with me, God wants to come close to you, put His arms around you, and show you which way to turn. He loves to give His people wisdom in all areas, including this area of dating and romance. This might be the time for you to be brave and leave the comfort zone behind.

For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more.

You can also order the book in Spanish. Click here.