Help! How Does a Shy Person Get a Date?


I was shy growing up. Though others might not have used that word for me, I use it because of the way my heart felt when I had to deal with other people. 

In groups I was fearful of speaking up. I tried to wait until everyone was finished speaking before I said anything. But this didn't allow me to share my thoughts, because by the time I might have said something, the point had already been made, and it didn't make any sense for me to try to make it again. Back then, I didn’t have the courage to climb the mountain of my fears, which meant I wasn’t able to be me and express myself.  

Many people are drawn to those who are shy. I’ve had several conversations with girls who think shyness in a boy is really sweet, but if you’re shy, what can you do when you’re interested in someone? Or if someone is interested in you, how can they reach out to you without making you feel uncomfortable? 

If you are shy and you’re having trouble getting to know others and finding dates, perhaps what you need is a confidence boost. You don’t have to change who you are—you just get to be you with more confidence.

Your True (but Perhaps Secret) Identity

Shyness is a synonym of timidity, which means a lack of confidence. Timidity is not a word often found in the dating world because dating requires taking risks. When you’re brave enough to step out and get to know someone, you are the opposite of timid. You are embracing courage. You aren’t being courageous for the sake of being courageous—but you are taking a risk and going after the special person God has put on your heart. 

In your journey of becoming the one, you don’t have to have a timid spirit that doesn't trust who God made you or all the good things you have to offer. This is a description of who you actually are: 

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity or cowardice or fear, but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of sound judgment and personal discipline [abilities that result in a calm, well-balanced mind and self-control]. (2 Timothy 1:7 AMP)

According to Scripture, you are powerful and loving. You have sound judgment and personal discipline. Does that sound like a person who doesn’t have anything to offer? No, it sounds like somebody the world needs.

How to Date with Confidence If You’re Shy

As we go through life, you and I will meet many people with different kinds of personalities and temperaments. As we pay attention to these differences and try to understand them, we come to know each other better. 

But here’s the thing to understand. No matter who we are—quiet, loud, daring, shy—all of us have to take risks when it comes to dating and marriage. We have to put our fears aside, but this isn’t so we can force ourselves to become someone we’re not. If we are confident in who we are, we can step outside our comfort zones and know that everything will be okay. We can try new places, go to that concert, walk up to that person at the conference and start a conversation. 

When we are confident in who God made us to be, we can embrace the truth of 2 Timothy 1:7 as it applies to dating.

Fear doesn’t have to be your story. Be courageous inwho you are, and know that your Father in Heaven has a plan for you. A very good plan. He will blow your mind as you trust Him—and as you choose to be brave. 


For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Salomé’s book, Becoming the One.Click here to learn more.

Salomé RoatComment