Leon and I have a wonderful marriage that genuinely feels like a fairytale in many ways. He loves me and I love him, and we are so blessed to be doing life together.

BUT this doesn’t mean we never see each other’s shortcomings. We’re human—we have those. If we made the other person’s weak places our focus, those weak places would slowly become all we saw in the relationship and the relationship would suffer.

He and I have learned to focus on the good instead of the grievances, and as a result, we get to fully enjoy a marriage handcrafted by God.

If you can learn to do the same right now, as a single person, you will be better equipped for your future marriage.

You can prepare for the epic love story you’re looking for by learning to think and speak according to Philippians 4:8. This verse tells us how we can approach our relationships—including our relationship with ourselves:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (NIV)

We’re after good words that produce life!

Get in the habit of speaking good things about yourself and your future. Don’t allow any pain and grief in your heart to make declarations about your identity and what God is doing in your life.

Learning to Speak the Language of Love

When bad or disappointing things happen to you, how do you speak? 

Painful experiences can push us to make negative vows—hurt-filled declarations about what we expect the future to look like:

• I will never get married. 

• I will never have my own kids. 

• I’m ugly.

• I’m stupid. I can’t do anything right. 

• I’ll never meet the right person, and even if I did, he/she wouldn’t want me. 

Probably all of us have heard those statements, or similar ones, coming out of our mouths or from the mouths of friends or family. In moments of pain when we’re trying to deal with injuries and frustrations, it can feel so natural to speak negative words about who we are. 

But those statements begin to sound true, and once we start thinking they’re true, we start living them out. “I will never get married” or “I’m stupid” becomes a foundational thought in our lives.

Negative self-talk may seem harmless in the moment, but it can keep us from breaking free into the victorious, abundant life available to us as God’s children.

The Bible says life and death are in the power of the tongue—a startling truth when we really pause to think about it. If we want to see life, we need to start speaking life.   

We plant seeds of health, wisdom, and blessing when we line up our words with Scripture and the loving heart of God our Father: 

• God has a good plan for me.

• He’s given me a promise about my future, and I believe He will bring it to pass, just like He said.

• I am beautiful and attractive because He made me.

• I have the mind of Christ, and I’m full of the wisdom of God.

• I can trust God to bring me the person He has for me.

• I will see the goodness of God on the earth. 

Learn to Plant Beautiful Things

In their book Boundaries in Marriage, Drs. Cloud and Townsend write, “You get what you tolerate.”

What “words” are you tolerating in your life that you shouldn’t be?

Do you frequently speak negative things about yourself and your future? How can you begin to plant good words instead?

We reap what we sow (Gal. 6:7). When we sow good words into our lives, we reap the harvest of good words, which is life.

Beginning today, set a guard over your mouth and sow good words into your future marriage. Speak the truth of God about who you are, what He’s doing, and all the promises He’s made you.

As you’re faithful to sow blessing into your life, you will reap an abundant harvest.

Interested in reading more about dating, relationships, and your walk with God? Here are a few articles on related topics:

• The Story of St. Valentine: Overcoming the Fear of Marriage in Your Relationship

• Is It Okay to Date Someone Who Has a Different Sexual Past Than You Do?

• What You Should Do When You’re Irritated

• Now What? I Just Found Out My Date Isn’t Perfect       

• Are You Anxious About Being Single?

For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more. The book is also available in Spanish.