Are You Struggling Emotionally and Don’t Know Why? Tips for Finding Healing in God
I speak with a lot of women who tell me, “My boyfriend has stopped dating me. We’ve been together for months, and he doesn’t know how to pursue me anymore.”
It’s true that people get busy and can start to grow tired in the rhythm of everyday routine. Sometimes we fall into a pattern of doing our own thing and thinking of our own entertainment, which often seems like “less work” than going out of our way to plan something our significant other will enjoy.
But it could also be that something deeper is going on.
When a woman feels like her boyfriend doesn’t seem interested in her anymore, it might have very little to do with the relationship itself. It might be the woman actually is in need of extra love or attention right now because she’s going through an uncomfortable time—specifically, God is healing something from her past.
Here’s what this can look like in real life:
Ten years ago when she got married, Melissa thought she would be happy. But lately she’s been struggling a lot with her husband and wondering about her faith. Does she really believe what she thinks she believes? Life has gotten hard, and she isn’t sure why.
To make matters worse, she’s a Christian counselor. Isn’t she supposed to know what to do in situations like this? “Why in the world am I struggling so much if I’ve tried everything?”
When she sat down with me and started opening up, I heard a story I’ve heard many, many times.
“My parents divorced, and most of my life, I felt abandoned by them because they tried so hard to stay together but couldn’t.”
They worked hard outside the house, but inside the house they were disconnected. They didn’t spend a lot of time with each other even though they lived under the same roof.
“Every time they tried to make it work. They would get help from counselors, and their marriage worked out for a little bit. But after a while the dysfunction continued just like it had before.” Melissa is afraid that she’s repeating the same dysfunction in her own life and marriage.
What can be done in a situation like this?
Our heavenly Father is a Healer who loves to heal, and He greatly desires to help people feel His love for them and find healing within His heart.
True healing comes only from God. Practically speaking, how can we go to Him to find the healing our hearts need?
Here are three things that will help you step into the incredible freedom God has for you:
1. Allow God to show you where He wants to set you free.
The Lord loves you more than you can think or imagine. So much HOPE exists for you and your situation that if you saw this hope, your fears wouldn’t stand a chance. That is what your heavenly Father is like, and that is how He loves you!
We often don’t realize where we need to be healed. We can tell something’s wrong, but we don’t know what it is.
Our wounds can be “blind spots.” We won’t always remember what happened to injure us, and we sometimes try to bury these sore places so they won’t get hurt even more.
But if we want to be healed, and our loving heavenly Father has brought us into our time for healing, He can show us what we need to see and fill us with expectation for the future.
Invite the Holy Spirit to show you where He wants to set you free. He might speak right away, or it could take a bit of time. He might show you something during your private quiet time with Him, or He might answer your request at a later point—either as you’re going about your day or perhaps while you’re speaking with a friend or mentor.
Engage your will with God’s heart by asking the Holy Spirit, “What is one area in my life that needs healing from the past?”
You might be surprised—because His heart for you is so big!
2. Change your thoughts so they match what God is thinking about you.
Most of us are wounded when we’re younger than thirteen years old, and these wounds affect our behavior as adults.
Dr. Paul Hegstrom of Life Skills International puts it this way:
The wounds of childhood will affect us for a lifetime. The brain freezes when we have been wounded by rejection, incest, molestation, emotional abuse, and physical abuse below the age of puberty. Traditional therapy calls this fixation. We call it arrested development.
In other words, the way you filter information as an adult is directly tied to how wounds and traumas affected you as a child.
But this doesn’t have to be your story! You can renew your mind, teaching yourself how to think in a brand-new way:
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Cor. 10:5 NIV)
When you find an area in your thoughts that DOESN’T line up with God’s heart for you, you can change that area by replacing the old thought with His thought. What does the Bible say about you? That’s your foundation and exactly what you should be thinking about yourself.
Here are just a few examples of what the Bible says about you:
You are holy and dearly loved (Col. 3:12).
You are precious to God’s heart and He wants you (Isa. 43:4).
God doesn’t push you away; He wants to give you rest in His presence (Matt. 11:28).
Find the verses that feel like fire in your heart, and declare them out loud.
3. Keep your eyes on God during this quest for healing.
When we look at ourselves, we will get caught up in ourselves, but when we look at God, we will get caught up in God.
In his book Emotions: What They Are and What We Do with Them, Rick Sizemore writes something so very simple, yet it carries great weight:
If I lose my peace, my heart and mind are being distracted from the Lord: “The steadfast of mind You will keep in perfect peace, because he trusts in You” (Isaiah 26:3).
Everything the Holy Spirit shows you will line up perfectly with Scripture because Scripture reveals who He is. This means that everything you hear from Him will reflect the precious, beautiful Father heart of God as revealed in Scripture. He loves you more than you know, and His heart for you is SO MUCH GREATER than depression, fear, and shame.
If you have questions about what you MIGHT have heard from God, take it to a fellow believer you trust and ask them to help you sort it out.
Child of God, don’t ever be afraid to approach the Father for healing. Healing can be hard at times—but it’s totally worth it.
Interested in reading more? Here are a few articles on related topics:
For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more.
You can also order the book in Spanish. Click here.