Setting Great (and Realistic) Expectations for Your Marriage
A friend of mine grew up reading romance novels. As a teenager, she loved reading so much that sometimes when she was supposed to be eating dinner with her family, she would hide away in the bathroom and read as many pages as possible.
Obviously, a great love for books is healthy, but my friend has realized that in real life, love is different than the almost deceptive suggestions found in the books she read as a teenager.
The process of love—of getting to know someone, realizing their worth, and getting married—doesn’t necessarily match the story told by certain books and movies. Love is more natural and, in a way, more human.
Some of us need to step away from marriage expectations that don’t come from Jesus.
In this season, when He’s pouring life into dry, desolate places, let’s look at Him and allow Him to lead us, even if it means letting go of our human-built expectations to pick up His heaven-built ones.
People in Real Life
This idea of having great, but realistic, expectations applies to so many different areas of life: marriage, church, friendships, city leadership, and so forth.
We can’t demand perfection from people, because all of us are weak at times. We make mistakes. We take the wrong road and don’t realize it for a couple of miles. Then we have to double back and try a different route.
When I talk about imperfection in this context, I don’t mean moral failure or lack of character. I mean that every person has old patterns in their life and thoughts that need to be renewed to God’s truth. We’ve been wounded and hurt; we experienced trauma—and those things need to be healed.
There is such hope in Jesus for healing. We get to take all our sore places and unhealthy expectations to Him, and He will give us His truth instead.
Loving Another Imperfect Soul
In an article for Focus on the Family, Shana Schutte wrote:
Many singles idealize love and intimacy and make it into something that it's not, nor can be… Sadly, they miss out on much of the beauty of loving another imperfect soul.
Do you see that last part? There is beauty in loving an imperfect soul. On the earth, we will always deal with imperfections. Leon and I have struggles—areas where we’re still individually growing up and finding healing. We make mistakes and have to go back and apologize to the other person for what we said or for being insensitive.
If we’re expecting perfection—either from ourselves or from other people—we need to go talk to God and ask Him, “What should my expectations look like in this area?”
Jesus has the ability to take an imperfect situation and make it perfect through the tender voice of the Holy Spirit and the power of forgiveness.
What Does This Mean for You?
Are your expectations realistic?
Are they based on the ways of your heavenly Father, who makes room for a person’s imperfections and repentance and growth? Or are your expectations marked by human pictures and ideas of what “perfect” means?
Allow the Lord to lead your heart. He knows what you need, and He has a way of taking imperfect things and restoring them, making them truly beautiful.
Wherever you are in the dating or marriage process, don’t let the world or human expectations speak more loudly in your ears than the Lord’s voice. You don’t have to be afraid here. God certainly has good things waiting for you—that will never be an issue. But sometimes those good things come in unexpected packages that end up being better than anything you could have imagined on your own.
Interested in reading more about dating, relationships, and your walk with God? Here are a few articles on related topics:
For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more. The book is also available in Spanish.