4 Tips for Dating Without Stress
Photo by William Moreland
Do you think it’s possible to date without STRESS?!
The answer is “yes”—but many daters don’t know how to get there.
As a relationships mentor, I meet so many people who are trying to recover from bad breakups. In several cases they jumped too quickly into the relationship, and it ended up falling apart. Now in the aftermath, most are dealing with pain, some are trying to conquer pretty intense fears of dating, and others struggle with hopelessness.
But here’s the thing singles need to understand—when dating “doesn’t work,” it’s often because something needs to change in our thinking or in our hearts.
There’s a way to date that leads to life (Matt. 7:14). When done well, dating actually is an avenue that gives God room to work in the lives of two people He’s bringing together Himself in a marriage fashioned before His throne. He leads both people forward as they trust Him, and one day He whispers to their hearts, “This is what I have for you. You’re going to love this.”
If you want to date without stress, here are four practical tips.
1. Put God first in your heart.
Take delight in the Lord,
and he will give you the desires of your heart. (Ps. 37:4 NIV)
One of the best things you could ever do for your heart—and your dating life—may not be what you expect. When you choose to delight in the Lord, setting your relationship with Him as the main priority of your life, things change. This choice has the power to set you free in ways you’ve likely never dreamed.
Instead of letting society or friends tell you, “This is how things should look in a relationship,” you can delight in the Lord, listen carefully to His voice, and do what you sense He shows you. Specific things, crafted especially for you and your love story. Not what you “should do,” but what your heart actually needs.
I know many older adults—some of them coming out of broken relationships and divorces—who are giving the process of dating a second chance. But they aren’t going about it the way they did last time, which ended badly. Instead they’re making God the delight of their hearts and choosing to date intentionally, with purpose, as they allow Him to lead them.
2. Watch your thoughts and words.
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. (2 Cor. 10:5)
Young people often assume that if they want to accelerate the process of finding “the one,” they need to go on lots of dates with lots of people—anyone interesting who becomes available.
But I think it’s better for a person to be prayerful about who they’re getting to know. Even here, you can let God lead you.
When He brings someone interesting across your path, guard your thoughts by viewing the situation not as a romantic relationship—but as a good friendship. Obviously, you can be praying for a long-lasting friendship that leads to marriage, but until God confirms it otherwise, let friendship be the foundation of your thoughts. Hold those sweet words in your mind: “I’m building a great friendship. We’re getting to know each other.”
Let your date know their friendship is important to you and you’re dating with purpose, but don’t use the word marriage until God tells you. Learn to listen to His voice so you’ll be able to hear Him clearly when He says, “This is the man or woman I have created for you to marry.”
You may not hear that confirmation instantly, which is why reliance on His heart and His voice is so important.
3. Find people who will faithfully pray for you and your future marriage.
Plans fail for lack of counsel,
but with many advisers they succeed. (Prov. 15:22)
Who among your friends and mentors would be willing to come alongside you and help pray into your future marriage? Find people you trust and ask them to partner with you in this area.
Also—if you’re willing to take a small risk—consider asking them about the singles they know who might be good matches for you. Is God highlighting anyone to them?
I think God loves to bring people together in safe environments that are healthy and full of hope—like in the company of friends. It could be that one of your prayer partners already knows your spouse.
4. Pay attention to the places and activities God has put on your heart.
The king’s heart is like a stream of water directed by the Lord;
he guides it wherever he pleases. (Prov. 21:1 NLT)
Do you consistently feel like going to a certain coffee shop or store? Maybe the park over by the lake? A different service at your church?
God’s voice is often quiet, and in many situations He leads us with gentle internal ideas that feel like an urge to go do something or be somewhere.
So pay attention to the places you want to visit or the activities you’re interested in like a new Bible study or an art class. Do you want to travel? Are you interested in a mission trip? (I’ve heard so many stories of people meeting on mission trips!) Be creative and listen to the Lord’s voice.
The dating process doesn’t need to be stressful. Don’t be afraid to go to God for guidance and rely on Him, because He can be trusted.
Happy Valentine’s Day! Are you interested in reading more about dating, relationships, and your walk with God? Here are a few articles on related topics:
For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more. The book is also available in Spanish.