Help! Everyone’s Getting Married but Me!
Photo by Yuris Alhumaydy
A few years ago, a friend I will call Suzie was having a hard time with someone on social media. This other person frequently posted pictures of her handsome husband, beautiful kids—all the things Suzie really, really wanted but didn’t have.
Recognizing she was dealing with jealousy, my friend repented over and over again because she didn’t want to feel this way anymore. But she couldn’t seem to shake the annoyance that rose up whenever she saw this woman’s perfect little family.
One day my friend felt God speak to her. In one of the still, quiet ways He likes to talk to us, He dropped into her spirit the idea that she didn’t need to be jealous. Instead, she could see this other woman and her family as a sign of what God was going to do for her. For Suzie. Starting that moment, my friend’s heart slowly began to shift.
Though often quiet, God’s voice is powerful. When He speaks, He changes things.
What can you do if you’re struggling with jealousy?
If you’re single—particularly, if you’re single and of a certain age—you probably know what it’s like to look at pictures of your married friends on social media and feel just a little bit jealous.
But the great thing is, you don’t have to struggle with jealousy. Here are a few reasons why.
1. God Hasn’t Forgotten You
Our Father speaks the language of promise. The testimony of Jesus is the spirit of prophecy (Rev. 19:10).
Write down what you know God has told you about your future, and declare it out loud on a regular basis. You may want to write it out on notecards and stick it on your bathroom mirror or somewhere on your desk. When you start feeling the tug of loneliness, remind yourself of what God has said, because His truth is real.
Instead of staring at the absence of your spouse, stare at the closeness of Jesus. He’s telling an excellent story with you. Change your expectations to match His story.
2. You Never Need to Listen to Fear
Jealousy is often a secondary response. That is, we’re jealous because we’re actually afraid.
My friend Suzie didn’t fully trust God in the area of dating and marriage. She believed some lies about God and her life, and as a result, she was jealous of certain people who had what she wanted. What did she need? To know her heavenly Father better and hear His voice.
Where singleness is concerned, what are you afraid of? Are you afraid God doesn’t have a mate for you? Are you afraid you’ll be alone forever? Have these fears produced jealousy in your heart?
Take a good, hard look at how your heart is responding, and ask God for clarity. Write down your fears, and search the Bible to find out what truth is. Spend time on your heavenly Father’s lap and ask Him what He wants you to know about His plans for you.
3. Marriage Isn’t the Answer
This might sound crazy to you, but marriage isn’t the answer to loneliness!
Every time we come across a love story that seems like something from a romance novel, it probably is! The only “perfect” love stories happen in made-up worlds. Every person you meet struggles with something. It may not be the same thing you struggle with, but all of us are learning how to listen to God and live the way He wants us to.
Marriage is simply two imperfect people who make a covenant with God to be together for life.
Dr. Henry Cloud writes:
God designed marriage as a way for two distinct people to come together and create something bigger and better than either one could achieve individually. Spouses should complement one another, not complete one another.
My marriage is great most of the time, but Leon and I are normal people, and normal people constantly need God’s help, refreshing, healing, and the other beautiful things He provides.
Whenever people start to feel like marriage is the answer to all their problems, they’ve climbed up on a tightrope, and they’re making life a lot harder than it needs to be.
The next time it seems like somebody “has it all,” remember you’re seeing only a slice of the picture, not the whole thing. No one is perfect—which is actually a wonderful breath of fresh air, because it means we get to climb down off the tightrope and walk on level ground, hand in hand with Jesus, leaning on Him and trusting Him to give us everything we need.
Including an excellent spouse who will love and support us for life.
Your story is beyond amazing.
Like my friend Suzie, you and I are learning to be more like Jesus every day. Giving God our fears is just one way we grow up (Eph. 4:15).
I fully believe God has a great marriage story for every person who trusts Him, is willing to be patient, and desires to put Jesus first before anything else. Jealousy has no room in our hearts when God has filled us up.
So today I bless you in the knowledge of Abba Father’s heart for you. Your story may look different than your friends’ stories, but this is a cause for laughter, not fear—because God is the best storyteller who has ever lived.
Interested in reading more? Here are a few other articles on related topics:
For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more.
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