Help in Overcoming Sexual Patterns

Photo by Annie Spratt

Photo by Annie Spratt

A woman I will call Stacy recently told me her story. 

She became involved in a sexual relationship because she needed to feel loved, but even though she was sleeping with this man, she realized she still didn’t have what she wanted. There was no intimacy in this relationship at an emotional or spiritual level. 

After reading my book, Becoming the One, she decided to end this relationship to go after what she really needed: She needed Father God to come and show her His love for her—that true, amazing, unconditional, everlasting love that she didn’t feel like she deserved. 

And she finally found what she was searching for. 

“It’s hard sometimes,” she told me. “I am tempted to go back to this relationship, but God has shown me so much love that I can’t go back to this old pattern.” 

Sex Is a Divine Idea

God doesn’t disappoint us. He is always ready to show us how deep and high and wide, how long and infinite, His love is for us (Ephesians 3:18).  

We were made to be sexually intimate within the covenant of marriage. Sex is a divine idea, and for that reason, it is very good! 

However, even “low level” sexual activity can cause your flesh to wake up, in a manner of speaking, and once this occurs, your flesh will try to lead you back into sexual situations, so you can experience that moment of passion again and again. It can be difficult to keep yourself sexually pure if you’ve already had sex. 

This cycle is hard to break—until you come face to face with one simple truth: that you are passionately loved by God the Father. 

I know many singles who have had trouble keeping themselves pure as they waited for another opportunity to fall in love, but that doesn’t have to be your story. And if it’s your story now, it doesn’t have to stay your story. As elementary as it may sound, the answer is to know your Father in Heaven and how much He truly loves and cherishes you. 

Like Never Before

When you don’t know how much God loves you, it’s easy to try to fill the void with sex. 

Many men and women look at their lives and what they’ve done and feel like they aren’t good enough to approach God. They feel like they can’t possibly be made pure again. 

If you feel like you’re in that category, the truth is that you have the opportunity for a second chance. And a third chance, and a fourth chance—however many chances you need. We can always be made pure again because we have a Savior, Jesus, who cleanses us and clothes us with His own righteousness (2 Corinthians 5:21). Our purity does not rest on our shoulders; it rests on His. 

Today Jesus is ready to give you all the love you need. Take the time to go off somewhere by yourself, and ask Him to help you know and feel His love like you’ve never experienced it before. 


For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more.

You can also order the book in Spanish. Click here.

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