Dating and the 5 Love Languages

Photo by Teddy Kelley

Photo by Teddy Kelley

At one of the most difficult times in my life, Leon knew exactly what to do to make me feel better. 

After our marriage and subsequent move to the United States, my dream was to have a large family. I was trying to run a household in a brand-new culture; many of my loved ones were thousands of miles away, and I had a strong desire to surround myself with children. 

But shortly after the birth of our wonderful son, Leon and I lost a baby. Then we lost a second baby, and it began to seem like my dream wasn’t meant to be. 

One day I couldn’t take it anymore and made the decision to stop trying to get pregnant. I didn’t even want the desire for children, because my heart was broken. 

During this time, Leon showed me a level of love and intimacy that still astounds me. He listened and empathized with me at my lowest point. I remember one evening in particular when I was depressed and praying. My menstrual cycle had started that morning, and I thought I might never get pregnant again. 

As I wept, Leon touched my shoulder, prayed for me, and said that being barren wasn’t God’s will for us. He told me the Lord was going to give us more children, and his confidence helped me be brave. His prayer showed me I was cherished.

That evening, an amazing sense of peace and contentment overcame my heart, and the next morning when I woke up, my period had stopped. A few days later, I took another pregnancy test and guess what? I was pregnant. 

The Languages of Love

How do you show affection to the person you’re interested in? Do you know the actions or words that will touch their heart the most?

Part of falling in love and staying in love is learning what makes your significant other feel cherished. In his book The Five Love Languages, Gary Chapman talks about five distinct categories or “languages” of love:

  1. Words of affirmation: compliments or words of encouragement

  2. Quality time: their partner’s undivided attention

  3. Receiving gifts: symbols of love like flowers or chocolates

  4. Acts of service: setting the table, walking the dog, or doing other small jobs

  5. Physical touch: having sex, holding hands, kissing

Personally, I feel the most connected to Leon when he listens to me, shows empathy, chooses to love me through the tough times, and tries to understand the part of my heart that God is still touching and healing. For us, our spiritual connection is the most important connection we have. 

Be Purposeful in Your Love

As you read this, perhaps you’re dating the person you want to marry. Or maybe you’re single and hoping the person you’re interested in will notice you. 

No matter where you are in the dating process, when you show love to others, you are following in the footsteps of Jesus. You are loving your neighbor as yourself (Matthew 22:39). 

What is the primary love language of the person you’re interested in? How could you show them affection today in a way that will minister to their heart? Ask the Holy Spirit to lead and guide you in your love for this other person. 


For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more.

You can also order the book in Spanish.Click here.