Diffusing Fear in Your Relationship When the World’s Gone Crazy
Photo by Edward Cisneros
When I’m afraid, it’s amazing what comes out of my mouth. Fear can push me to say hurtful things to Leon—surprisingly strong things, because they’re fueled by fear. It’s very hard to have a good, encouraging conversation with your significant other when one or both of you are listening to fear’s voice.
God is saying, “Don’t be afraid. You can trust Me."
But when we’ve taken our attention off of Him and fixed it on something else, it’s like we can’t calm down enough to think about anything but what fear is saying. “Lord, I don’t think I actually can trust You right now. It seems safer for me to assume You won’t save me, so I’ll just do it instead.”
Fear is a powerful force that tries to confuse people, trap them in place, and get them to respond according to their worst ideas instead of according to what God is doing. Obviously, this can cause a huge strain on a person’s relationship. Anger in many cases is a sign of fear; it lets us know someone is struggling beneath the surface.
So in this time of global stress, let’s choose to speak with kindness, even when our heart is racing and we don’t have all the answers. When someone says something snotty at the grocery store, when people lash out on social media, when a loved one speaks without thinking—kindness is key.
The choice for kindness is the choice for courage.
Prayer Ideas for When You’re Afraid
As children of God, there is one answer we will always have, no matter what’s going on in the world around us. The Lord is our Peace and our hiding place. It is always possible to find rest in Him.
God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way
and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea,
though its waters roar and foam
and the mountains quake with their surging. (Ps. 46:1–3 NIV)
Here are a few prayer ideas for when you’re afraid:
Remember God is your refuge and strength.
He is always there to help you.
Even if the entire world changes, God does not change. He is STILL a trustworthy hiding place.
The Fear Dance of Relationships
In his book The DNA of Relationships, Gary Smalley defines the core issue of marital conflict as fear, which causes a “fear dance” or relational crisis.
When I’m afraid and acting out of that fear, Leon can help me readjust to the truth as he responds to me with gentleness. I might be angry, but when he responds in the opposite spirit, it throws water all over my fire.
Kindness has a way of removing fear, and that’s what we need in this season—for the kindness and comfort of God to come close and wrap us up so snuggly that we begin to realize we’re safe with Him.
Speak with kindness. Get rid of the fear in your relationship, because the sooner you understand your spouse or partner is not the problem, the sooner the healing can start.
When one person chooses to be kind in a volatile situation, both people have the opportunity to experience the sweet, refreshing presence of the Lord.
Prayer Ideas for When You Need God’s Comfort
Leon and I are learning how to reduce arguments to their lowest level (the core issue) and delight in each other to the highest level. Whenever an argument starts, we’re prompt to recognize it is due to our own fears.
If we’re just willing to put aside our own needs and listen to the needs of the other person, we help one another get to a better, healthier place where fear is no longer in control.
I will tell of the kindnesses of the Lord,
the deeds for which he is to be praised,
according to all the Lord has done for us—
yes, the many good things
he has done for Israel,
according to his compassion and many kindnesses. (Isa. 63:7)
Here are a few prayer ideas for when your heart needs to reconnect with the kindness of God:
Remember God does excellent things worthy of praise.
He has a history of taking care of you.
He acts according to great compassion.
He has “many kindnesses” set aside for you.
Be Still and Know
Child of God, don’t be afraid to put your full trust in the Lord during this time. Set your marriage or dating relationship in His hands. Ask for wisdom and guidance, and then relax—because God is still the Lord and He will be exalted in the earth.
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.” (Ps. 46:10)
Interested in reading more about dating, relationships, and your walk with God? Here are a few articles on related topics:
For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more. The book is also available in Spanish.