3 Things to Think About When You’re NOT in a Relationship
Photo by Sandie Clarke
For one of my friends, marriage was the primary focus of her life—and a huge point of frustration.
WHY was she still single? Was something wrong? Why wasn’t God doing this for her when He was doing it for other people?
But as she waited, the Lord healed her heart, and she’s come to realize that marriage is a secondary thing. The most important thing she has is her relationship with the Lord, and though marriage can be a part of that, it is never more important than that. All the things she wants—including her marriage—are found in Him.
She turns 40 this year and she’s still single, but it doesn’t bother her nearly as much as it used to. This is partly because she knows her marriage is right around the corner. She doesn’t know this because she’s desperate—she knows this because God told her. There’s a big difference!
If you’re single and concerned about the future, or if you feel like you won’t be “yourself” until you meet your spouse, here are a few things to consider.
1. Be Courageous and Don’t Settle for Second Best
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you. (Deut. 31:6 ESV)
Many people lose hope for their future and settle for something that is less than God’s will. But if you can learn to trust the Lord even in this area of marriage, He will build inside you the foundation you need so you can become a man or woman who is secure in Him—someone who knows with confidence that He has the best plans for their future.
I firmly believe that if you have a desire to get married, that desire is in your heart for a reason. You can trust the Lord with all your desires, including this one, and He will show Himself faithful.
2. What ELSE Are You Passionate About?
The wicked flee when no one pursues,
but the righteous are bold as a lion. (Pr. 28:1)
Singleness is actually a blessing. Being single can give you the space you need to figure out who you are.
What do you like? What do you dislike? Where do you want to live someday? Do you want to go to school? What do you lie awake at night dreaming about? What makes you sit up and take notice?
Now is a great time to figure out what you’re passionate about. Be bold, pray daring prayers, and pursue your desires because they’re often what God is leading you to do in life.
If you’re having trouble keeping your gaze off finding “the one,” try focusing a little more on your other desires. What else has God put on your heart?
If you don’t know what your passions are, go to a few people who know you, men and women you trust, and see if they have any ideas. Sometimes we need an outside perspective in order to see what God is doing and opening up in our lives.
3. Broaden Your Horizons
In returning and rest you shall be saved;
in quietness and in trust shall be your strength. (Isa. 30:15)
When a person is obsessed with getting married, their focus is fairly narrow. It’s like they close their eyes to the beautiful adventure waiting all around them.
The friend I was telling you about has let go of the story she thought she wanted to embrace the story God is writing for her—and she loves it. She’s gone from a place of being overly focused on getting married to loving that God asked her to wait. He gave her the more important thing, and she can see it now.
Don’t be afraid to trust the Lord with your desire to get married. If you can let Him lead you in this area, you’ll likely find a much better answer than what you thought you wanted.
Interested in reading more about dating, relationships, and your walk with God? Here are a few articles on related topics:
For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more. The book is also available in Spanish.