Why do so many people make dumb decisions when it comes to dating?

Have you ever started dating someone and later realized you’d made a mistake?

Why is it that we often settle for relationships and situations that aren’t good for us?

Years ago when I was just thinking about writing my book, I was sitting in a large class as Danny Silk talked about how we attract people.

He basically said that we attract the person we are. If we’re healthy, we’re going to attract someone who is healthy. If we’re not overly healthy, we will likely attract someone who is also not healthy. I came out of that class with a much better understanding of what God wanted me to write.

I believe the main reason we settle for partners who aren’t good for us is that we don’t realize we’re gold. One part of being healthy is recognizing our value—and that value is astounding.

But many of us have no idea that we are God’s treasure. A lot of beautiful things are currently hidden in our heart because we were hurt in the past. Those things exist, but they are concealed. When we don’t know who we are and the precious value we carry, we are much more willing to accept relationships that don’t benefit us.

Have you ever found yourself in scenarios like the following?

“My boss belittles me in front of everyone, but I’ve worked here for five years. Where else would I go?”

“This guy has cheated on me a couple of times, but I can’t imagine my life without him.”

“My girlfriend doesn’t like my family and doesn’t want me to spend time with them. It’s causing a lot of tension, but I don’t think anyone else wants to be with me, and I want somebody in my life.”

“I feel really lonely. All my friends are getting married, and I can’t help but compare my life with theirs. I need someone, even if it’s just temporary.”

When we don’t know how God truly feels about us, we have a hard time trusting His will. We don’t invite Him into the dating process, and we don’t ask for His help—though He longs to be asked.

To date well—to have peace in our dating relationship and to be confident about the choices we’re making—we need to understand that God loves us, that His will for us is good, and that He wants the best for us.

If we don’t understand those things, we can go to Jesus and ask for His help.

“Jesus, I need You. Would You help me to see my value and how much You love me? I want to become more aware of who I am in You and how I can be whole in You.”

When we know we have value and that we’re dearly loved, we naturally have a better perspective of dating and the kind of person we want to be with.

Build that kind of intimacy with God. Practice listening to His voice, and let Him lead you. If you are willing, you can let the Lover of your heart heal your soul. There are places only God can touch and show you. Ask Him why you’re feeling all these deep emotions. He will answer you and point out ways you can learn to understand the gold you carry inside you.

To see the gold, there is always some soul healing that needs to take place.

As you spend time in a private place of intimacy with the Lord, He will reveal to you secret things and His promises about your future.

You will start to see what’s real, and you won’t settle for anything less than His beautiful, perfect will.

There’s a private place reserved for the devoted lovers of Yahweh,
where they sit near him and receive
the revelation-secrets of his promises. (Ps. 25:14 TPT)

Child of God, may you come to understand the treasure you are in Him. May you be amazed at the truth and the way He loves you. That’s the path to dating well and with real confidence.

Need prayer?

Your heavenly Father loves you more than you realize. Other articles from Salomé Roat and Becoming the One:

For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more. The book is also available in Spanish.

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