How Can You Help a Friend Who Has a Porn Addiction?
The first time I heard a man speak publicly about his porn addiction, Leon and I were at a class called From Zero to Hero.
On video Paul Speed and his wife, Jenny, discussed his hidden life, how it affected their marriage, and what finally brought him freedom from this addiction.
Later I thought, If people could just hear this message and open up to others with similar struggles, if they could just get the help they need—how different their lives would be. How different their marriages could be!
[Click here to watch the Speeds’ testimony.]
I have several friends who have struggled to overcome porn addictions, and unfortunately many cases out there end in divorce because pornography took hold of someone and kept them captive. They didn’t know what to do or how to ask for help.
In this article, I want to talk about what you can do if a family member or friend is struggling to conquer a porn addiction.
One of the most important things to understand about this issue is that pornography is not just a “problem area” for some people. In most cases, it’s actually the symptom of a deeper root issue.
The men and women dealing with this addiction don’t necessarily know where the root came from—or why pulling it out takes more than just time and a resilient heart.
We were created to feel loved, accepted, secured, and protected. We also need to feel admired and encouraged and to experience the thrill of adventure.
Here’s the key: All these things are fulfilled only in the love of God. That’s the simple truth and why so many people struggle with porn. Nothing else in the world will do but the love of God.
When a man or woman can’t or doesn’t know how to receive this love, the tendency is to escape into a fantasy world that offers instant gratification and the thrill their heart is seeking. Like pornography.
What can you do to help bring healing?
A person who is struggling with a porn addiction needs to be loved and honored, which is what God does when we come to Him. The love and acceptance of our heavenly Father fills holes and the sense of emptiness in our lives.
As the friend of a man or woman who’s struggling with a porn addiction, you have a great opportunity to be a source of hope in their life. If they’re open to your help, you get to come alongside them and say, “This is how God loves you! You have amazing, incredible hope—just wait. You’ll see.”
When your friend opens up to you, listen without judgment.
After years of lying and hiding his struggles, Paul Speed carried a huge amount of guilt and shame. He didn’t want to tell Jenny what was going on, but when he finally opened up to her, he began to find the healing and freedom he needed.
A good friend is like Jesus and guides others into God’s arms. Give your friend the beautiful gift of listening without judgment. Be a safe place for them.
Consider sharing your own testimony of healing. This could help your friend feel more comfortable talking about their own struggles.
How has God healed YOU? What has He done for your heart, and how has His love changed you?
God can take a testimony like yours—even if it’s a very simple story—and use it as a handhold for your friend.
“This is what I was dealing with. This is how it affected me and my relationships, and THIS is how God set me free. He really does heal people’s hearts—look at what He did for me! Please don’t hesitate to tell me what’s going on, because I know God can do anything.”
If you’re able, offer to stand with your friend as their accountability partner.
They may or may not be open to this right now, but someone who is struggling with an addiction needs some kind of accountability partner. Someone who can help them stay on the right track every day.
This often means asking tough questions in love. Commit yourself to your friend’s freedom and health—until freedom and health are acquired!
Always take your friend before God in prayer. Even if you can’t help in any other way, prayer is powerful and can open shut doors.
No matter how rough the situation may be, prayer invites God to come and do something in the life of this person you love. It enables you to set the “burden” of your friend in His strong hands (Ps. 55:22).
Spend time in prayer for this person, and seek God about how you should pray for them. He may lead you to a specific verse or put something on your heart.
Father God knows exactly what your friend needs, and He wants them to thrive in every sense of the word. Keep your eyes on Jesus in this process, and allow Him to reveal to you how big His love really is.
Interested in reading more? Here are a few articles on related topics:
For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more.
You can also order the book in Spanish. Click here.