2 Ways to Show Love to Your Mother-in-Law
In just a few days, we will honor the life of a woman who changed the world for me because I married her son.
I had the privilege of knowing Florence for thirty-two years. The first time I met her, she was on an adventure. I was dating Leon, and he’d asked her to come and meet me—all the way down in Ecuador. And she’d bravely said, “Yes.” This was not a woman who allowed fear to stop her.
During her time in my home country, she fell in love with my family and me, and we fell in love with her. It didn’t matter that she didn’t speak any Spanish; it was like she spoke the language of love, and we found we could understand her.
She used to tell me that her family of origin didn’t use the words “I love you” very often, but they expressed their love through actions, and that’s what she did again and again with us over the years. Especially with me. I never needed to doubt her affection for me.
Love by Language
Florence was a treasure on the earth and an exception to the common idea that a mother-in-law won’t appreciate her son’s wife.
Many women enter marriage believing that “his mom” is going to be a problem, but this is an expectation we don’t need to carry. Even if tension occurs, it doesn’t have to be permanent. We can pray about it and trust our heavenly Father to act.
One way you can honor your spouse’s mother is by learning her love language and then purposefully expressing affection to her through it. Florence often showed love by action; she understood the language of service. Your mother-in-law might love gifts or words of affirmation or quality time.
Instead of allowing culture or false beliefs to push you into a certain kind of relationship with your spouse’s family, pray about the relationship you want to have with your mother-in-law and try to show her love in the language she understands.
Love by Honor
When I met Florence, I was barely in my twenties. She was a smart woman who had pursued a career in architecture at a time when not many women were going to college. She was determined and bold, and she had a heart for education.
One day while Leon and I were still just thinking about marriage, she mentioned to him, “Wouldn’t it be wise for Salomé to finish her education before you get married?”
Leon could have told her, “Thanks, Mom. But we know what we’re doing, and I think we’ll be good. There will be plenty of time for education later.” But that isn’t what he chose to do.
Honor was important to Florence’s heart. She had honored her own parents; she honored her two sons and me, and she honored her grandchildren, who called her Granny. She saw life as a gift from God, and that was how she treated it.
That is the kind of environment in which Leon grew up, and so he turned around and honored his mom by listening to her advice and choosing to wait with me. After talking about it, he and I decided that I would finish my education first, before we got married.
I believe Florence sensed God’s timing for us a little better than we did, and it was His wisdom flowing through her.
Honor has different “looks” depending on the situation. You never need to blindly follow someone else’s opinions and instructions, but one way you can honor your mother-in-law is by letting her know that you hear her. If possible, practice active listening with her. Show her that her words matter to you and that she matters to you. Even if you choose to do something different than what she suggests, you can still honor her by listening.
Love by Faithfulness
Florence and Roy, my father-in-law, met at a dance studio. They were married for nearly fifty years; he passed away just a few days before their fiftieth anniversary.
The day before Florence went to be with Jesus, she asked us to sing, so we sang hymns as she tried to lift up her arms in worship to God. The day she took her last breath, we held hands and sang “Amazing Grace.” Even during this time of heartache and grief, we were able to witness so much love and grace. Jesus received her with open arms.
I miss her greatly, but I know she is dancing with Jesus now—the best dancer of all.
Thank You, Lord, for her beautiful life.
If you want to have this kind of relationship with your mother-in-law one day, don’t be afraid to start praying for it now. God moves when people pray. Keep knocking on that door, and one day it will open for you.
Your heavenly Father loves you more than you realize. Other articles from Salomé Roat and Becoming the One:
For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more. The book is also available in Spanish.