The Most Important Thing When You’re Dating Someone New
Photo by Annie Spratt
Leon and I have been married for nearly thirty years—and the simple, beautiful thing that makes me fall more and more in love with him might take you by surprise.
Generally speaking, people are strange creatures who don’t always play well with others. So when a couple of them come together in covenant marriage—to share the same space every day, clean up after each other, try to run a household together, raise children together—the result can be beautiful, but it’s always messy.
Leon and I both have areas in our lives where we’re still growing up. These are places where we’re learning to recognize, “Oh, so THIS is what it means to be whole, healthy, and mature in the Lord.”
Leon is a genuinely wonderful man. He is kind, compassionate, faithful—so many excellent things I respect and admire.
Yet he does a few things that irritate me. We clash from time to time, and I would even call us “incompatible” in certain areas.
When it comes to marriage, perfect does not mean “without bumps and hiccups.”
Over the years God has helped me understand that some of the irritations I experience with Leon actually have to do with me—where I am in my walk with the Lord. I can’t place all the blame on Leon because I can be impatient and don’t always feel like loving him the way God wants me to—the way He designed a wife to love her husband.
But in those moments of tension, when I ask Him what’s going on and why I’m responding to Leon this way, the Lord is faithful to let me know, “This is the problem. This is what’s happening inside you, and I’m here to help you fix it.”
I’ve learned that in the “uncomfortable” spots in my marriage, God works wonders. He changes things and shows me how awesome He is.
As I look for His face and wait for Him to help me, He comes even closer, heals my heart, and places in my hands the tools I need to better understand the special man He’s given me to love.
Marital irritation is obviously not one sided—I also do certain things and react in certain ways I know are not my best. But Leon chooses to love me and encourage me despite those things. He has embraced the heart of Ephesians 4:2 toward me:
Always be humble and gentle. Be patient with each other, making allowance for each other’s faults because of your love. (NLT)
In a way, godly marriage is the simple desire to love someone despite their faults.
Loving in this manner is a huge part of what it means to be Christlike. Our hearts become more entwined with Jesus, and when we’re filled with His love, His presence, and everything He has for us, we’re much better people—and much better spouses.
That’s what I’ve experienced with Leon. The deeper he goes in his relationship with Jesus, the more my heart stumbles all over itself saying, “Wow! That’s why I married you—that thing right there. That’s it!”
The same thing happens with him. As he sees me drawing closer and closer to Jesus, his heart exclaims, “Oh my goodness—I just love her even more.”
That’s the secret to a great marriage that endures. When you’re single, look for a person who has a deep relationship with Jesus and is pursuing more of His heart.
The sight of God in someone else changes everything. It’s sexy, it’s long lasting, and it’s the holy bond between two people that allows them both to say, “THIS is why I married you. This is why I want to be with you for the rest of my life.”
An ever-growing relationship with Jesus acts like glue between two hearts.
Pursuing a deeper relationship with Him is not only the answer for your own heart, but it is also the answer for your future spouse’s heart. It is one of the key reasons that person will fall in love with you and want to be with you.
Choose to put Jesus first in your life, because when you do, you’ll never be disappointed.
Interested in reading more about dating, relationships, and your walk with God? Here are a few articles on related topics:
Are You Struggling Emotionally and Don’t Know Why? Tips for Finding Healing in God
Declaring God’s Will Over Your Marriage (Even If You’re Single)
For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more.
You can also order the book in Spanish.