4 Ways to Address Sexuality in a Fallen World
Photo by Jeremy Wong
When my children were little, one of their favorite books was The Very Hungry Caterpillar by Eric Carle.
It begins with an egg on a leaf and covers the caterpillar’s life until finally he becomes a beautiful butterfly. We read this book over and over, because my sweet little people loved watching something tiny grow up and become beautiful and free to fly.
That’s the pattern all of us follow. We begin small, grow up, discover who we are, and go through a process of transformation into the adults we are called to be. This process includes our sexuality: learning about it in a healthy way and discovering that it is good and God made it perfectly.
Getting Comfortable with the Topic of Sex
Here we run into a problem.
Many Christian parents don’t know how to introduce this topic to their children and help them “transition” into adulthood as sexual beings. In many cases, children in the church can become confused about sexuality.
“My parents don’t want to talk about it with me. They act like it’s dirty, and I don’t want to be dirty…but my friends at school say sex is a good thing, so maybe my parents don’t know what they’re talking about? Is that it?”
Children can get sucked in to what the world is saying because the world tends to be much clearer about sexuality than the church is. The world isn’t right in their understanding or presentation of sex, but they are clear.
This disjointed perspective doesn’t have to happen if children are introduced to the right resources and if their parents teach them about sexuality in a relaxed, honest, and transparent way.
“This is who God is. This is how He made us. This is what the Bible says and why it says it. This is what holiness means and how we can be holy with our bodies.”
When our kids were small, Leon and I had to learn how to be comfortable with the idea of teaching our kids about sex. Being comfortable with this topic wasn’t necessarily easy, but we looked for books, age appropriate and biblically accurate, that could help us teach our kids about their sexuality at the right time.
This wasn’t something we could just throw together; we had to give thought to it, seek God about it, and trust Him to help us determine the message He wanted to give us as a family concerning sex. Again, it was important for us, as the parents, not to be embarrassed about this topic but to teach our kids in a healthy and natural way.
4 Ways to Address Sexuality in a Fallen World
Generally speaking, there is not enough information about God’s heart and human sexuality.
Christian parents and leaders tend not to speak up about proven, godly values that are good in society. Though some do speak about these things, most do not, perhaps out of embarrassment or a sense of shame.
How can you raise a family to be holy and God fearing in a world that’s trying to teach them to be something else? Here are four ideas for addressing sexual topics.
1. Learn how to speak about sexuality without embarrassment or shame.
In your own words, figure out how to talk about sexuality, what it means, and how God feels about it. What is the truth about these things, and how can you convey that truth in a way that makes sense to your heart? In a way that makes sense to others?
The key is to find “Holy Spirit words” that are clear…and to trust the Spirit to lead you when you’re having sex-related conversations. (See Matt. 10:19–20.)
2. Find others who believe the same things you do.
Find friends and role models who believe in saving sex for marriage and who can, hopefully, talk about why they believe that in a clear, open way.
Waiting for sex is something the world doesn’t understand, even though there’s plenty of research out there that shows how waiting has strong benefits.
(For more information, see chapter 3 in my book, Becoming the One.)
3. Live a holy lifestyle yourself and gently lead others to do the same.
Here’s a practical idea: When you start dating, know what you believe and make it clear to your partner. Discuss good boundaries with them, and hold to these boundaries in your heart and actions. Not as “rules,” but as simple truth that’s good for you and will bless your relationship.
In a kind, real way, be willing to talk about these things and help others by opening up the conversation. Allow your relationship to be “visible” to others so they can come to you and find answers.
4. Trust the One who doesn’t change.
The Bible calls God the “Rock eternal.” He is the firm foundation under our feet.
Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord, the Lord himself, is the Rock eternal. (Isa. 26:4 NIV)
The truth of God concerning sexuality will endure through time, like the Rock eternal it came from.
We don’t have to look at the state of the world and worry about the enemy’s plans for our children and their sexuality. We know what the truth is, and we can trust the Truthful One. As we seek Him in these matters, He will help us find words and live in such a way that the world can look at us and see Him.
Your heavenly Father loves you more than you realize! Other articles from Salomé Roat and Becoming the One:
For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more. The book is also available in Spanish.