Are You Afraid God Doesn’t Want You to Get Married?
Photo by Hisu Iee
Do you ever wonder if God doesn’t want you to get married?
Perhaps you’ve been single for a while now, or maybe you’re past a certain age. Those two elements—long waits and increasing age—can spur questions in our hearts.
“What if I’m still single because God WANTS me to be single? What if I’m not supposed to get married, and I just haven’t figured it out yet? Oh man—this is such a huge desire of my heart. But what if I’m supposed to give it up?”
Let’s talk about the desires of your heart and where those desires came from.
The Origin of Godly Desires
Even at a young age, I knew I wanted to have children someday. I realized, however, the best way to have those children was to get married, so I needed to find the right kind of man who would make a good husband and father.
After I met Jesus as a teenager, I began to pray regularly for my future spouse. I grew up in a tense, difficult home environment and knew firsthand what it meant when a marriage wasn’t healthy. I wanted something different, and I told God all about this desire of my heart.
And He heard me.
Come to find out, the desire of my heart was actually the desire of HIS heart. It was exactly what He wanted for me.
Personally, I believe if you have a strong desire in your heart, it’s there for a reason. Many of our desires—the good and godly things we deeply hope for— are in our hearts because God put them there.
The desire to get married is a good desire, and your heavenly Father can make it happen in due season.
Separate Your Heart from Fear
When fear crops up in our hearts, we often start asking questions we don’t need to ask.
“What if God doesn’t really love me? What if He wants me to stay single? What if my desires don’t matter to Him?”
The specific question we’re addressing in this article, “What if God doesn’t want me to get married?” is often based in fear. In fact, I think it comes from fear MOST of the time. When you quiet yourself and check your heart, you might be able to sense the fear swirling inside that question.
Anytime a question comes from fear, you don’t need to listen to it. Listening to the Holy Spirit is always the better choice. What is HE saying in this situation? How is He directing your heart?
This question about God and marriage often can find its roots in a lack of understanding concerning His will and how the Bible describes it as “good, pleasing and perfect” (Rom. 12:2 NIV).
God’s will for you is something pleasing. So you don’t need to be afraid where the future is concerned. Go to the Lord, ask your questions, and listen to His heart for you.
Are You Still Healing from Past Relationships?
Sometimes we look at marriage with doubt because we’re still dealing with the wounds of past relationships. If our parents divorced or we had a horrible home life growing up, we might not have any idea what a healthy marriage looks like. “What if my marriage looks exactly like my parents’ marriage? What if love just goes away, and there’s nothing you can do about it?” We can ask similar questions after going through a bad breakup or a divorce.
If your heart needs healing from the past, don’t be afraid to go to God for help. Also, speak to a mentor who loves Jesus and can pray with you, helping you see who God really is and who you are as His beloved child.
Instead of expecting bad things to happen in your relationships, change your thoughts and start to expect good things.
What Does Your Heart Want?
Yes, some people are called to be single, but this calling, like the desire for marriage, is an issue of the heart—that is, it’s something your heart understands.
I’ve met people who just knew marriage wasn’t for them. “I was meant to be single. I’m happy in this desire of my heart.”
Being single is a calling just like being married is a calling. If the desire of your heart is to be single, that’s a beautiful thing between you and God.
But if you desire to be married, that is also a beautiful thing. Trust that God will help you deal with your desires in a healthy way.
Here Are a Few Things You Can Do During the Wait
To those who are struggling with fear: God has something VERY good for you. Keep on hoping.
To those who have waited a long time: Refill your heart with great expectations. You have a good Father who will help you during this season, and He hasn’t forgotten the promises He’s made you.
To those who want to get married: Fall in love with Jesus first, and let Him know He’s your priority. The most important thing in your life is Jesus, and that won’t change when you get married. You’ll still want Him to be your first and greatest love.
To those who are anxious about the future: Pray about your marriage, taking it before God in your quiet times. Speak with people you trust who can pray for you and help guide you out of this fear concerning God’s will.
I want to encourage you to believe the special desire on your heart is actually a gift from God. I just feel like the Holy Spirit is saying the good desires in our hearts are His—He’s given us those things, the deep things we know we’re made for.