The Thing Singles Often Get Wrong
Photo by Toa Heftiba
Are you single and wishing you weren’t?
As a relationship mentor, I speak with many, many single people who long for a change in their situation—they yearn to meet the person who’s right for them.
Some have been waiting a long time, or maybe they’re divorced and wanting to meet someone new so they can erase the “sting” of past relationships. Whatever the circumstances, their hearts ache because of singleness. They want to find the person God has for them so they can get married and start living their lives together.
Many people in the church have adopted a mindset that subtly rejects singleness:
“Single people are all alone. They don’t have anyone.”
“I won’t feel fulfilled until I’m married.”
“Being married is better than being single.”
“If you’re still single, it must be that something’s wrong with you.”
But all those ideas are false. When we catch ourselves thinking something false, we need to take that thought captive and change it. This includes our assumptions about singleness and how God made the world to function.
Being single is actually a beautiful thing. Among other benefits, it allows you to be free and ready at a unique level.
The Bible talks about certain advantages of singleness in 1 Corinthians 7:
I say this as a concession, not as a command. I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do…
I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world—how he can please his wife—and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world—how she can please her husband. (1 Cor. 7:6–8, 32–34 NIV)
The apostle Paul, a man clearly devoted heart and soul to Jesus, thought it was better to be single than to be married, because this allowed people to focus on Jesus without distraction.
When you’re called to something, like marriage or singleness, God speaks to you about the benefits of that calling. It’s like the Holy Spirit hands a pair of glasses to your heart, and you get to see how deep and beautiful and special that calling is. Of course Paul would be amazed and blessed by the calling of singleness, because that was his calling—a special gift he’d received from God.
If your heart feels anxious and compelled in an unhealthy way to find the right person and get married, consider how much Paul LOVED being single and thought it was better than being married.
There’s something vital and special about singleness, and sometimes we miss out because we feel so much anxiety about the future.
If you’re single and don’t want to be, learn how to be at peace. Singleness isn’t a delay of your destiny. It is a part of your story with God, and He’s using it in ways you can’t imagine.
This is not just a time of waiting. This is a sacred time between you and Jesus, when He’s working out the dreams He has for you and placing you on the right path for the future.
A single friend of mine likes to say, “The waiting is part of the prize. I am waiting with God, so I already possess the most important thing I could ever have. I’ve already won.”
The wait for marriage is not a waste of time, but it’s precious and beautiful, and God is doing something with you right now, in the wait, that will be worth it in the end.
Don’t accept the lie that you can’t rest or be satisfied until you achieve a certain status. That’s a distraction—a belief that will eventually produce bad fruit for anyone who clings to it (Matt. 7:20).
Today is your real life, just how you are. God is moving, and He has incredible plans for your future. These plans are real and will continue whether you’re single or married. They are a wonderful thing between you and your Maker, who wants to use you to influence the world around you.
In the wait, keep your eyes on Jesus, and let Him tell a story with you that’s better than what you expected.
Merry Christmas! Interested in reading more about dating, relationships, and your walk with God? Here are a few articles on related topics:
For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more.
You can also order the book in Spanish.