Discovering Your Heart While Dating: Finding Out How You Truly Feel

When lecturing on the differences between men and women, Mark Gungor likes to talk about boxes and balls of wire. 

“Men’s brains are made up of little boxes,” he says. “And we have a box for everything.” A box for the car. A box for the money. A box for the kids. “The rule is: The boxes don’t touch.”

About women he says, “Women’s brains are made up of a big ball of wire. And everything is connected to everything . . . It’s like the internet superhighway, okay? And it’s all driven by energy that we call emotion.”

(You can watch a clip of his entertaining lecture here.) 

Men and women are obviously different, but in one area we are the same: Sometimes it can be difficult for us to figure out what we are feeling.  

Do we actually like this person, or is this just a silly crush? Is God giving us the go-ahead to pursue them? Are we ready to ask them out? Or would it be better if we moved on?

If you’re having trouble determining how you really feel about someone, here are a few steps that might help you.

1. Seek Wisdom from God

In my book, Becoming the One, I tell two stories of women who asked God for help in a dating situation, and He suddenly gave them a deep, abiding love for the man in question. One of these stories is mine. In this strange place of feeling and not feeling for Leon, I prayed hard. There was one day in particular when I remember getting on my knees and literally crying out to God to give me His special kind of love for Leon—but only if he was the one God had chosen for me to marry. 

And that was exactly what happened. We have been married for twenty-eight years, and I love my husband more today than I did when we first married. 

If you don’t know what you are feeling, ask God for help. He can make the answer clear to you. 

2. Seek Others’ Counsel

When we were teenagers, many of us had “spies” to help us figure out whether or not a person of interest liked us back. We sent our little friends to find out if someone had feelings for us or what the person said when our name was mentioned. 

As we grow more mature, this kind of behavior usually dissipates, but the principle remains the same: If we want to discover the truth about a situation or ourselves, we can go to people we trust who will pray for us, give us wise counsel, and help look into the situation.

If you’re unsure of your emotions or what God is saying about a potential mate, ask someone for help. This is part of the process of becoming the one and finding out who you really are. The better your counselors know you, the more they will be able to see into your heart and help you uncover how you’re truly feeling. In many cases, they will also be able to give you insight into how God is leading you. 

3. Learn to Communicate Your Heart

If you feel a certain way, or think you might feel a certain way, talk about it with someone you trust. 

Whatever your age, it is important to learn to express your emotions in a good, healthy way. Practice communicating with other people. Take a risk and be open with your friends and mentors. Try to put words to what you are feeling and hoping for. 

All of us have gone through this: the learning, the adventure, the doubts, the uncertainties. But when we have something to say, it is good to discover how to communicate those feelings in a positive way at the right time. Inviting God into this process makes a huge difference and brings peace to our hearts, even if it takes a little while for us to sense it. 

Don’t be nervous as you step out on this journey of uncovering your heart. Put fear aside and enjoy what you are learning. God is in control, and He has a great plan for your life. 

For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more.

You can also order the book in Spanish. Click here.