It’s Just a Kiss, Right? A Closer Look at Christian Dating


When I was a child, I used to fantasize about what I would do if a boy tried to kiss me. If he tried, I would slap him in the face like they did in the old movies I used to watch.

But as I grew up, my thoughts about kissing naturally began to change. I forgot about the slapping and started wondering who would give me that amazing first kiss all my friends were talking about. Anytime one of us went on a date, the rest of us would breathlessly ask, “Did he kiss you?” We always wanted to know.

It seemed to me that a kiss was something extremely special. You wouldn’t give a kiss to just anyone, but it should go to the one who deserved your lips, not to mention your heart.

I was quite the romantic, if you couldn’t tell. But here’s the interesting thing—I think God is a romantic, too.

Unexpectedly Romantic

Kissing is one of the most beautiful expressions of love one human being can give another. The dictionary defines a kiss as a sign of love, sexual desire, reverence, or greeting. For many of us, a kiss is the opening of our hearts. We are exposing that vulnerable place in our souls that allows someone special to know us. A kiss is a sign of trust, value, and commitment to something that is far beyond regular friendship. With a kiss, we are saying, “I am giving a part of me to you, because I really care about you.”

I’ve known couples who saved that first kiss for the day of their wedding. That may sound unusual to most of us, but to be honest, their commitment is worthy of respect. These couples chose to open up this part of their sexuality to just one person, the only person, who will be loved and treasured for life. They are being romantic in a way most of us would never think of.

Kissing and Sex

In her book Raising a Lady in Waiting, Jackie Kendall talks about the law of diminishing returns. She refers to the way we are chemically wired and how physical touch progresses toward a more potent physical thrill. One thing naturally leads to another—kissing leads to sex. That’s how God made it.

Like sex, kissing can have unexpected consequences. A soul tie is an emotional connection that unites you with someone else. The soul is a composite of your will, thoughts, and emotions, and when you become “one flesh” with someone, you invite much of that person to live inside you. That is what we call a soul tie.

A soul tie is an automatic response during sex, but it can also occur at a lower level with a kiss. If two people are not committed to grow in other aspects of the relationship or if they don’t set good physical boundaries, a kiss can cause different kinds of emotional connections that will leave them heartbroken if the relationship falls apart.

What Are You Going to Do?

What you think about kissing is between you and God. I am not saying you should abstain from kissing the person you love or that you need to save your first kiss for your wedding day. But I am saying it is good to be aware of what a kiss is, what it means, and how it can affect you long term.

Many months passed before Leon kissed me for the first time. We lived thousands of miles apart, and he would often write to me about his feelings and, of course, about kissing me. I don’t regret that we waited, and he doesn’t either. Committed to each other, we took our relationship seriously. We viewed kissing as a seal upon our growing relationship, and we didn’t want to take our first kiss for granted.

If you have questions about kissing and what is appropriate for you personally, pray about these things and talk to mentors about them. Remember, a kiss is a gift from your heart to another person’s. It is something of worth, because you are something of worth.  

Interested in reading more? Click here for more information on Becoming the One by Salomé Roat.