How to Turn the Pain of Delay into Peace
Photo by Dayne Topkin
One of the hardest things I have faced over these last ten years is the inner battle I have to regularly fight to live at peace in my heart in the area of being single and wanting to be married.
Though I have learned to live from a place of faith as a believer, a place where I can access the grace of God, I still find myself having to battle negative thinking, powerful emotions, and deep pain that comes from facing my physical reality. The unexpected turns of daily life and a strong sense of lack—caused by entertaining lies—has often left me feeling more like a failure than an overcomer in this area…and the clock is ticking!
It is like there are two Jills. One Jill, my true self, is kind, sweet, youthful, alive, and full of faith and intimacy with the Lord. This version of me rarely has difficulty believing all that God says is true. After all, His confirmation to me regarding marriage was very powerful. I believe all things are possible and I know I can go boldly before His throne of grace and receive His mercy and grace as needed. I naturally flow in the prophetic and always see the good in others. It is very rare for me to get offended by other people.
And then there is what I call “triggered Jill.” Like all of us, I have been triggered by pain, by shame and this inner dialogue that only ever leads to dark places. I have noticed over the years what can spark it and have worked to renew my mind in those areas, but I still find myself triggered by the reality of my life when I look at it from the perspective of the problem—not having a husband.
Rarely does Jesus feel close to me when this happens, and in those brief times when He does, the illusion of separation is still there like a heavy blanket that clouds my thinking, my emotions, and my processing. Shame is nearly always present and, so too, its closest counterpart, condemnation.
The torment on these occasions pulls my heart into a place of unbelief and sadness.
The “Facts” or the Truth?
What can we do when we feel pain more than we feel God’s presence?
As so many Scriptures remind us, there is a fierce battle happening in the spirit realm—God’s angels versus the fallen ones.
However, I believe there is an even greater battle that isn’t often talked about, and that is the battle within our soul and how our experience with it shapes the way we see things and what we choose to believe about ourselves and our futures.
Proverbs 16:32 highlights this so well when it says, “Greater is he who can govern his own soul than he who can take a city.” Now this is not something we read in the self-help books on being great in this world, is it?
The reason the battle is so significant to God in His Word is because it is at the place of the soul where the temptation to judge our lives from an earthly perspective rather than a heavenly perspective is battled.
The question we must ask ourselves is this:
Will we choose to settle for facts, or will we choose to believe the truth of God’s promises?
The Anchor of Truth
A few years ago, after weeks of sleepless nights and constantly trying to protect myself from my own thoughts and emotions, I reached a point of pure exhaustion. One night while soaking in the bathtub, I began to contemplate how those around me saw my life. I suddenly could feel their pity, and a picture of shame came upon me. It was heavy, and I felt crushed by the weight of this projected reality.
In the middle of this pain, shame, and torment, I heard these quiet but powerful words within: “Jill, it is not others who are feeling sorry for you. It is you who is feeling sorry for you!”
At that moment, everything changed. That simple statement shifted my perspective, helping me to see the pride I held in my own heart. I ignorantly did not realize I was leaning on my own understanding, my own interpretation of my life, and had judged myself from a position that did not come from God.
Like the final piece to a puzzle, I understood why I had lost my peace and, quite frankly, why I was no longer seeing favor in my life.
That night, I decided to humble myself before God and completely let go of my understanding of the situation. Immediately the fog lifted, the shame and guilt left, and for the first time in a long time, I slept deeply and soundly.
Did the battles stop? No, they did not. However, the anchor of truth was now firmly placed within me, and I could learn how to live a lifestyle of overcoming during seasons of extended waiting.
What Is God’s Perspective?
All of us have to navigate this journey of the soul to a place of revelation, peace, and dominion.
The best way to describe this journey would be like viewing a landscape from a plane flying in the air rather than from a location on the ground. When we gain this perspective, the freedom in the soul is explosive because the truth that sets us free is now our reality and no longer just a longing of the heart.
Gaining God’s perspective on what is really going on in my life has helped me navigate this season of extended delay and has taught me how to thrive knowing the joy set before me.
What About You?
While singleness has been the focus of delay for me, what about you?
What is on your heart that you have been waiting for? What desire or dream has God deposited in your heart and promised to fulfill that is still dormant? Is it a career? A child? A desire to see a family member or friend saved?
We all have different things that can fit the “delay” question; however, the struggle is still the same.
What promises has the Lord given you personally? Write them down—and also write how He has quickened these promises within you and confirmed them to you.
Keep His perspective in your mind because it will be life for you. His perspective will help you thrive during seasons of extended waiting.
Jill Robson is the author of The Fire of Delay: Navigating Seasons of Extended Waiting. Coming soon.
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