Pursuit & Singleness: A Female Perspective on How Men Should Pursue Women


A guest post by Christina Koch

How do you walk through your single years with joy while not discounting the desire to marry? 

In my midtwenties I made a vow to myself that I would continue to live my single life in happiness, knowing that I will eventually meet the man God has for me. I’ve set goals for myself, gone on adventures with God, traveled overseas, moved, gone through college and ministry school, gotten into better shape, written a book, and continued to allow God to form and shape me. Here’s the key: Continue to live your life and trust that God knows what He is doing. Eventually you will be running side by side with your partner.

What About Pursuit?

Most men and women often wonder what the opposite sex thinks when it comes to pursuing. Today, I’ll be giving you a thirty-something-year-old woman’s standpoint. As a strong woman who is used to taking charge and getting things done, it’s nice when the guy takes initiative. As a woman who has been in a lot of leadership roles, the last thing I want to do is lead the relationship. I really believe God created men to be the “head of the household” and that they are meant to naturally lead the family. So often I see women who are the spiritual leaders of the house, when I really believe men are called to be the spiritual leaders.

I have no problem with letting a guy know I’m interested in him and that there’s an “open door” so to speak if he wants to pursue me, but I don’t like having to do the pursuing myself. Most women want to be wanted; they like the chase, the pursuit, the guy who will do anything for them. It’s so attractive to me when a man has manners (chivalry) like holding the door open, getting the car door, paying the bill on a date, etc.

Men, Do You Know Who You Are?

It’s so important first and foremost for men to know who they are in Jesus before they start pursuing a woman. Pastor John Gray of Relentless Church said, “Single people, make sure you marry for purpose and not preference.” While you are single, are you living out your purpose? Because the spouse you want to marry will be living out their purpose.

How Should You Pursue a Woman?  

Women love when a guy can think outside of the box and get creative by doing things the woman specifically likes. 

When a guy is intentional and takes interest in what we like and makes a date out of it, that’ll make us swoon. One woman may love to be taken to a five-star restaurant while another woman’s dream date would be a hike in the woods. Know your lady and what she likes.

A man who is firmly rooted in Jesus and knows who He is brings a lot of security to the woman in a relationship. Men who fight for morality and purity make us feel safe. Creating safe boundaries when it comes to purity and sticking with those boundaries make us feel safe. Letting a woman know what your intentions are with the relationship allows us to feel safe. If we don’t know where the relationship is going, it can cause us to feel insecure or hold back.

All of this to say, guys, if there’s a woman you are remotely interested in, go take her on a date. Get to know her interests and get creative. Don’t let fear of rejection or disappointments stop you. If a man comes and asks me out in person, 99 percent of the time, I will say yes, regardless of what I think at that point, just because he had the courage to ask me in person. Guys, be courageous and don’t hold back. The right woman will be so glad you asked her out.  


Christina Koch is the author of The Journey of a Radical Yes: Unleashing Your Adventure.

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