The Pursuit of Dating
How do you let a potential date know how to pursue you?
I’ve talked to many men who simply don’t know how to pursue a woman. In part, this seems to be an outcome of how the world does relationships right now. It is considered “normal” to move quickly. People who like each other start dating right away, and most people don’t pause to pray and see what God is saying. In many cases, they don’t take their time, consider the situation, and make the best decision possible, following the Lord’s guidance. There is no need for the man to pursue the woman because she doesn’t expect to be pursued.
The Honor of Pursuit
When I was single, I wanted someone to pursue me. I really hoped that someone would earn my love and trust and treat me with honor. I was fairly insistent about how I wanted to be treated because I had seen the fast and seemingly “sloppy” way other people were dating, and I didn’t want to find myself in the same situation.
Having a high opinion of myself helped me when it came to dating because I wasn’t willing to settle for a situation that wouldn’t benefit me. I felt like I was someone special, so I wanted someone special—someone who would make the effort to get to know me and do all those things girls like to have done for them.
When Leon chose to pursue me, it was an incredible blessing—both for my heart and for our eventual dating relationship. We first met when I was eighteen, and he was on a mission trip in Ecuador from the United States. The moment we saw each other from across the room, it was like God had already put in our hearts the desire to be friends.
Leon started writing me. Though we lived in two different countries thousands of miles apart, he still took the time to write because he was curious about me. When a man is curious about a woman and wants to get to know her better, he can learn what to do that will speak to her heart. Leon really isn’t a writer. As I got to know him more, I found out that writing isn’t his thing, yet he was willing to take the time to write me. He climbed out of his comfort zone so he could pursue me, and we ended up talking about a lot of things that mattered to my heart.
He also traveled as much as possible to come see me, which was never a quick or inexpensive trip for him. He had to work hard so he could get time off, and he’s a saver when it comes to his money—but he put his desire for thriftiness aside for me. My point is that some things may seem difficult to do in order to pursue someone, but the pursuit is still important. It is part of maintaining and growing a relationship.
Men, if you’re interested in someone, find creative things you can do that will bring you closer to her. What could you do that would bless her heart?
A Battle to Fight
Men were made to conquer. That is part of their DNA, and every battle requires a time of “pursuit” that looks like planning, waiting, and strategizing. One date is not enough to start a relationship any more than the decision to go to war means the war is won.
John and Stasi Eldredge make interesting points in their book Captivating:
Every man wants a battle to fight. It's the whole thing with boys and weapons. And look at the movies men love—Braveheart,Gladiator, Top Gun, High Noon, Saving Private Ryan. Men are made for battle. (And ladies, don't you love the heroes of those movies? You might not want to fight in a war, but don't you long for a man who will fight for you? To have Daniel Day Lewis look you in the eyes and say, "No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you"? Women don't fear a man's strength if he is a good man.)
Ladies, spend time with the man who’s interested in you and let him see how you would like to be pursued. If you’re comfortable doing so, you could even discuss it with him outright. Make options available to him. Instead of jumping headfirst into a relationship with him, be willing to have healthy boundaries that say, “I enjoy you a lot, but let’s be friends for right now and define the relationship later.”
Men, plan ahead and be willing to fight for what you want. The pursuit will only strengthen your relationship with this woman who has captured your interest.
For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Salomé’s book, Becoming the One. Click here to learn more.