What’s a Girl to Do? Dating with Purpose: Part 1


Should a girl pursue a guy? Why or why not?

My friend Karina had a “unique” dating experience with the man who is now her husband. I talk about her in the introduction to my book Becoming the One, so you may already be somewhat familiar with her story.

Her friend Jeff was interested in her for a while, but she was not interested in him. She saw him only as a friend. However, as she prayed about it, God completely changed her heart. All of a sudden, she was interested. She fell in love almost overnight and knew what God was leading her to do—He wanted her to pursue a relationship with this man.

But it seemed like it was too late. Knowing she didn’t feel anything for him, Jeff had decided to move on. So Karina went back to God and asked Him to do something, and He did. He ended up using other people to influence them in this process. Also, as Karina and Jeff talked, she was open with him and told him what God had done in her heart. She became the pursuer on a few occasions, purposefully showing him that her heart was different now and that she was sincere in her newfound love for him.

They got married this past January, and they have such a sweet story.

Should You Pursue Him? 

Have you ever heard of “women’s intuition”?

In many cases, women seem to be able to hear God and discern certain things quickly, so you may already know that a relationship is God’s will and that it will lead to marriage. You may have the answer, but if you can give the guy time to hear from God for himself, and to act upon what he has heard, it will bless your relationship and help the guy trust that he can hear God’s voice, too.

If you wait for this man to pursue you, you are giving him a gift—you are allowing him to hear God’s voice for himself and act upon it.

What to Do If You’re Interested in Someone

If you’re interested in a guy, but things seem to be moving slowly, here are a few things you can do:

1. Pray About It

Prayer is a powerful force. In fact, when you pray about the person you’re interested in and take the matter to God, you could be surprised by how He responds. Look at what He did in Karina’s life—when she prayed, He changed the entire situation, and she married the man of her dreams.

Some of my female friends had to wait a long time for the men they were interested in to respond to them, but eventually, these men fell in love with the women who had been praying for them.

God is a romantic. When we choose to pray about the men we find interesting and trust our relationships to Him, He will move on our behalf. Even if the answer is not what we expect, we can trust that He has heard us and that He wants what is best for us.

2. Be Creative

What are some fun group activities you could set up that would allow you to get to know this guy better?

What do you love to do? Hiking, kayaking, spelunking, taking some weird class you’ve heard about? Have fun, and invite the guy you’re interested in to join you and your friends. Try to figure out ways the two of you could connect and get to know each other in group settings.

Always pursue friendship first, because this will take away any pressure and will allow you to get to know the person, even if he’s shy.

3. Don’t Listen to Worry

Have you ever thought something like this? What if I wait and the guy falls for somebody else because I didn’t do or say anything?

That fear is not necessary. When a relationship is meant to be and you are trusting God, in most cases you’ll be able to clearly see when something mutual is going on. Prayer and trust in God go hand in hand.

If you’ve been waiting a long time for this guy to notice you and it doesn’t seem like anything is happening, practice your courage and leave your hopes for this relationship in God’s hands. If you’ve been praying about the relationship and it’s meant to be, He can make it happen.

You don’t ever have to take matters into your own hands. Your heavenly Father loves you, and it is His great delight to give you the desires of your heart. I’ve heard so many stories of women who didn’t think anything was going on with the men they were interested in, but when they began to pray and ask God for His will to be done, things finally started to happen.

4. Be Brave

If you sense God is leading you to hint to this guy that you are interested in him, be brave and follow His direction.

But as always, make sure you’ve prayed about it and have established a friendship with this man first. Even when you hint you are interested in him, don’t apply pressure. Hint in a way that allows the two of you to grow as friends.


For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Salomé’s book, Becoming the One. Click here to learn more.