Does Dating Feel Scary to You? 3 Ways You Can Increase Your Confidence
Photo by Rae Angela
Dating can be scary for a lot of people. A relationship is an invitation to step outside your comfort zone and go an adventure with someone else.
But some of us aren’t just nervous about venturing outside our comfort zone—it feels like we’re trapped in a pit of fear, and we don’t know how to climb out of it.
Here are three days of journaling activities to help you reconnect with the truth and grow in confidence. God is with you on this dating adventure, and He’s going to take care of you.
May you hear the Holy Spirit’s voice as you go through these activities, and may your dating life begin to change in the best of ways.
Journaling Day 1
Increase Your Dating Confidence by Declaring Your Trust in the Lord
Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? (Matt. 6:26–27 NLT)
And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? (Matt. 6:30 NLT)
Why is declaring your trust in the Lord so important?
Trust in the Lord is like a garden that needs ongoing care. If we just clear out a space, plant our seeds, and hope for the best, we’ll probably end up with flowers—but we’ll also end up with weeds and things growing in places they’re not supposed to be. Just as a garden needs ongoing care, so does our trust in the Lord, especially in the area where we’re afraid. Tending a garden takes diligence. We remind ourselves of who He is—and how He is toward His children. We let our heart realize how much He’s a part of our relationship already. When we know He’s good, we will be able to rest more easily in the relationship He’s put together for us.
Here are a few ways you can declare your trust in the Lord:
The Lord is taking care of me.
He takes care of the animals, and He is taking care of me too.
He takes care of the wildflowers, and He is taking care of my relationship and my heart.
I am valuable to my Father. More than I know.
I can trust Him with my relationship.
If you aren’t certain what to pray, start here:
Father God, You see my heart and how I’m struggling with fear in my relationship. Would You come and show me how trustworthy You are in the place where I’m afraid? Please clear out the fear from my heart, and replace the fear with understanding of the Lord and deep trust in Him.
Journaling time: Write down what you feel the Lord is saying to you.
Journaling Day 2
Increase Your Dating Confidence as You Realize Your Fears Have No Strength
He delivered me from my strong enemy,
and from those who hated me;
for they were too mighty for me. (Ps. 18:17 NRSV)
He saves me from my enemies.
You lift me up above my opponents.
You rescue me from violent people. (Ps. 18:48 NOG)
Why is it important to recognize that your fears have no power?
When we’re trapped in fear, we feel the fear more than we feel anything else. That is one thing that makes fear dangerous. It’s like our spiritual senses shut down until the only “emotions” we feel are panic and despair. We lose our bearing and start to feel like the fear is the truth. In fact, some people define fear as “False Evidence Appearing Real.” It’s false—but it appears real. When we’re trapped in this pit, we need to stop, take a deep breath, and remind ourselves that anxiety is not bigger than God. What He says is so much greater than anything fear could say. His words are real, and the fear is not real.
God is stronger than all your fears:
God is doing Psalm 18:17 and 18:48 to my fear right now.
He is saving me from this enemy.
This enemy has not and will not win against me.
The Lord is separating me from the voice of my enemy, and He’s helping me to see the truth.
He pulls me out of the fear pit when I’m trapped.
He is showing me that my fears are small.
If you aren’t certain what to pray, start here:
Father God, You know that I have struggled with fear for a long time when it comes to dating. I ask that You would set me completely free from this enemy that feels too strong for me. Would You turn dating into a joy and delight for me—the way You intend it to be?
Journaling time: Write down what you feel the Lord is saying to you.
Journaling Day 3
Increase Your Dating Confidence by Understanding God Has a Good Future for You
What a God he is! How perfect in every way! All his promises prove true. He is a shield for everyone who hides behind him. (Ps. 18:30 TLB)
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope. (Jer. 29:11 NKJV)
Why is it important to know that God has a good future for you?
Many, many people who wrestle with ongoing fear have trouble recognizing that God has good things stored up for them. Instead, they expect painful things to happen, and they live in a constant state of vigilance, where they’re guarding against pain. When this happens in a dating relationship, a person’s heart can’t fully express itself. But when we realize we can sincerely trust God with our future, we can relax more easily as we’re getting to know someone. The simple truth is that God is good and He does good things. Our future is one of His good things.
God has good things in store for you:
God is perfect for me, in my life, in every way.
Every single thing He has promised will come to pass.
He is shielding me from the foes set against me.
In my relationship, I am hiding behind God. He protects me.
He is standing between me and my enemy.
God has a good future set aside for me.
If you aren’t certain what to pray, start here:
Father God, would You help me to really understand that You have good things for me? Please forgive me for believing the fear when it says You have bad things for me. I know that isn’t true. You are good and Your ways are good.
Journaling time: Write down what you feel the Lord is saying to you.
As you date your significant other this week…
Do you know God loves you?
Do you know you are valuable to Him?
Do you know He wants to take care of you—and your partnership with this other person? Both are important to Him.
Do you know He has good things stored up for you?
Child of God, when your heart is confident in these things, you will find it easier to say “no” to fear and “yes” to trusting the Lord.
Does your heart need to remember who God is? Check out these other devotions:
3 Days of Healing: Start to Hope for Your Future Marriage Again
3 Simple Ways to Connect with the Lord, Especially If You’re Tired
For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more. The book is also available in Spanish.