Seeking God’s Heart for Serving Your Spouse

Photo by Vitaly Gariev

Does serving feel like a bad word to you?

Does it make you feel pressured to act a certain way? Or make you feel like you’re failing?

This month at Becoming the One, we’re talking about a culture of service—specifically, serving your spouse or the person who will become your spouse.

Acts of service is one of the five love languages highlighted by Gary Smalley. Some of us are wired to want to serve, but even then, we can still have misconceptions about what serving means.

On the practical side, serving looks like sacrificing for someone else. It could be listening to them, letting go of our need to be right, taking out the trash, making dinner, cleaning the bathroom, giving them money, etc.

Do we see serving through a lens of duty or obligation?

“I have to do this so I don’t fail.”

“This is my job. I can’t get out of this.” 

Do we see serving through a lens of shame?

“God won’t be pleased with me until I get this right.”

“I need to prove I’m worthy.”

“I can’t fail!” 

But like everything with our wonderful heavenly Father, when He talks about serving, He means something good—better than we think.  

A person who gives to others will get richer.
    Whoever helps others will himself be helped. (Prov. 11:25 ICB)

Choosing to give of ourselves is a sacrifice, yes. But that sacrifice brings life to our hearts, not death.  

If serving your significant other feels like “death” to you, something needs to change. Maybe your heart needs a different way of thinking. Maybe you need healing from the past. That might be a good thing to ask the Holy Spirit about this week. (We’ll talk more about that in a minute.)  

Everything God does is life giving, including His invitation to serve others. 

When He talks about serving Him or another person, He is giving us an opportunity to gain, not lose.

Well done, good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your master. (Matt. 25:21 ESV) 

Your heavenly Father wants you to THRIVE in your marriage!

There are seasons in life when we have to do things we don’t enjoy, but that is not His goal. It is not the end result. Serving your spouse looks like the abundant life promised in John 10:10:

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. (NIV)

Here are some questions to consider with the Holy Spirit this week:

Is it easy for you to serve your spouse?

Or does that word make you uncomfortable? Why?

Spend time with the Holy Spirit, and talk to Him about His heart for you as you serve your significant other. What does He tell you? Does He say anything unexpected? Treasure His voice. ❤️

Your heavenly Father loves you more than you realize! For more about His amazing, unending love, check out Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more. The book is also available in Spanish.