If You Want to Date Well…You Have to Know Who You Are


Dillon recently decided he wants to get married. His mother keeps pushing him to find a wife because she wants grandchildren, and she is convinced he will be happier if he’s married. Being happy is good, Dillon thinks, so maybe his mother is right.

But Dillon doesn’t really know what he wants in a wife. He’s twenty-five and works a low-income job where he isn’t happy, but he doesn’t feel like trying for something better. He doesn’t know how he feels about children—they just sound like a lot of work. He hasn’t thought much about the future. Overall he’s just a “comfortable” kind of guy. Nothing really changes in his life, and he’s fine with this.

Dillon’s personality is “quieter” than his mother’s. Because of her expectations and pressure, he ends up settling for someone who is not a great match for him. This young lady shares only a few of the same core values he does—but he doesn’t even know what his core values are. He let someone else tell him what he wants instead of seeking God to discover what’s missing in his life…and then working with God to find the person who would be a good match for him.

Your core values are the highest morals and principles you carry. They help determine your behaviors and actions. To date and marry well, you have to know what is important to you. You have to know who you are.


Be Courageously You

Do you know someone who’s made a major life decision based on the need to please a parent? Perhaps this person works hard and excels because of their parent’s expectations. Many great things are accomplished because of high expectations, and it is true that parental pressure can sometimes produce good outcomes.

However, you need to embrace who you are. In many cases, your identity is not what others say it is.

How would you answer the following questions?

  • Are you listening to the voice of the Holy Spirit as He leads you toward your passions in life?
  • What are your core values?
  • Are your spiritual development and relationship with God important parts of your life?
  • What do you want in your future spouse?
  • What do you not want in your future spouse?


Stay True to Yourself

Your core values help you say “yes” or “no” to the many temptations and tests of life. Being true to yourself is one of the strongest pieces of advice a parent, leader, or mentor can offer someone when that person encounters a major life decision. Marriage is certainly in that category.  

To figure out who you are, you need to know who made you—the One who loves you more than anyone else could ever love you. When you realize God loves you with everlasting love and considers you the most wonderful treasure He has, you begin to understand who you are. This is the start of staying true to yourself as a believer in Christ.

Don’t let others define you or make decisions for you that you should make yourself. You are God’s masterpiece, and He will help you live according to His highest values and beliefs.

Life is a journey to becoming the person you were created to be. It is the process of discovering who you truly are and where you come from. Once you understand these things, being true to yourself becomes simple.


Interested in reading more on this topic? This article is based on Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more! 

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