The Best Way to Conquer the Fear of Being Single
Photo by @seteales
“Does God care about my desire to get married? Why hasn’t He brought me the right person yet?”
I know many people who have been waiting for years to find the right person, get married, and build a life together with their spouse. Time seems to pass quickly and slowly both at once, and fear starts creeping in.
The beast of fear does strange things to our heads:
“What if God doesn’t want me to get married? What if it’s my fault I’m single? I’m running out of time to have the family I wanted—what if my dreams don’t matter to Him? How can I trust God with this desire? Because it seems like He isn’t doing anything about it!”
If you’re single and can feel fear building within you, one simple remedy will set everything back into order and fill you with incredible peace.
What Can You Do If You’re Afraid?
Max Lucado writes in his book Fearless:
Destructive anxiety subtracts God from the future, faces uncertainties with no faith, tallies up the challenges of the day without entering God into the equation.
That thought carries tremendous weight in the dating world. Imagine a person who feels alone, perhaps overlooked by God, and is desperate to find someone who will love them unconditionally—is that a healthy mindset that allows them to act with wisdom in times of relational stress?
Anxiety can be destructive because it subtracts God from the future. Is He “gone” literally? Of course not—but it feels like He is, and in those times we have trouble giving Him a role in our hopes and plans. We don’t expect His grace to show up when we need it, nor do we expect Him to give us wisdom, which is exactly what He wants to do.
When our hearts are hurting and we feel like we can’t trust our Maker, we start saying and doing things that don’t line up with who He is, who we are, and the glorious hope He created us for.
The Key to Enjoying Singleness
We were made to live with our eyes on Jesus and to put Him first in our lives.
Putting Jesus first allows us to wait in a good, healthy, loving way so our hearts become convinced of His goodness. It pulls back the blinders of fear and enables us to step into the understanding that our hope for marriage isn’t a lost cause—God WILL bring the right person at the right time. We realize we don’t have to be anxious, nor do we need to be afraid.
FINALLY, in this state of mind, we’re able to live life the way He intended—fearlessly, as an adventure with Him.
The Power in Reminding Yourself of Who God Really Is
In the night, Lord, I remember your name,
that I may keep your law. (Ps. 119:55 NIV)
Multiple times the Bible tells us to remember God. As we set our minds on Him, meditate on who He is, really think about Him, and dwell on how the Bible describes Him, we start to realize our hope is built around His character. According to His character, we can trust without fear that He’ll bring His best to us.
And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us. (Rom. 5:5)
The Lord is faithful. That’s simply who He is, and He will act in a faithful way toward your heart. That will always be the case, and you can expect His faithfulness every time.
Throughout my married life, I’ve seen God’s faithfulness. Every time I look at Leon, I see Jesus in him—and I see how God has blessed me. Leon is so much more than I asked for, and I get emotional as I think about him and what God has done.
When we put the Lord first, He doesn’t disappoint us. Yes, we might have to wait, and we might have to wait LONGER for certain things than for others.
Yet when I think about all my conversations with God and the requests I’ve made over the years, my eyes start to burn because He has not disappointed me. A couple of things took a long time to happen—but they did happen, and I get to rejoice in the faithfulness of my Father.
Timing Is Key
Just because something hasn’t happened YET doesn’t mean God has said no. Ask Him for what you need, and don’t listen to discouraging voices that try to draw you into fear.
God will give you what you need—if you ask, like His Word says. Ask and He will give to you. Knock and the door will be opened.
So it is with your prayers. Ask and you’ll receive. Seek and you’ll discover. Knock on heaven’s door, and it will one day open for you. Every persistent person will get what he asks for. Every persistent seeker will discover what he needs. And everyone who knocks persistently will one day find an open door. (Luke 11:9 TPT)
During the waiting time, your job is simply to look for that deep relationship with Jesus and be filled with His love.
Putting Jesus first allows you to become the best version of yourself—a man or woman who is open toward Him and others, fearless, and confident in His goodness. Don’t be afraid to believe the promises He’s given you and to trust Him with all your heart.
Interested in reading more about dating, relationships, and your walk with God? Here are a few articles on related topics:
For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more.
You can also order the book in Spanish.