Three Ways to Deepen Your Relationship


I recently met an interesting young man on a plane. We started talking, and when he learned I’m a relationships coach, interest filled his eyes. He began to tell me about his previous relationship, which had left him heartbroken, and he also talked to me about his friend.

“I don’t know how my friend can sleep with the new girl he just met this weekend and be back to his girlfriend as if nothing has happened,” he said.

Frankly, I didn’t know either.

Life is all about relationships. We were born out of a relationship and were made for relationships. Everything we do revolves around relationships.

So why is it that many of us don’t know how to do relationships well—and we aren’t all that concerned with learning how to do them better?

If you want to be proactive and deepen your relationship with your boyfriend or girlfriend, keep the following steps in mind:


1. Practice Friendship

Friendship is one of the most important aspects of being intimate with someone. Be a good friend to your partner.

Many people think of intimacy in terms of sex, but that is only one expression of what it means to be close to another person. Intimacy is also intellectual. When two friends exchange thoughts, share ideas, and enjoy similarities and differences of opinion, their friendship becomes stronger and even more intimate.

Another way to deepen a relationship is through experiences. When a couple participates in activities together, the result is a more complete view of one another. Shared experiences develop connection, which strengthens intimacy.

You can develop spiritual intimacy with your partner as you pray together and listen to the Lord for answers.


2. Focus on the Important Things

This may surprise you, but if you can avoid a physical attachment to your partner, your relationship with them will improve. You will be able to focus on more important things—like investing yourself emotionally in the person and growing in love for them.

To give you an interesting bit of research, here’s what Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher have to say about getting married versus just living together. Keep in mind this is only one small piece of the research available on this topic:

Married people live longer, are healthier, have fewer heart attacks and other diseases, have fewer problems with alcohol, behave in less risky ways, have more sex—and more satisfying sex—and become much more wealthy than single people (The Case for Marriage, Broadway Books, 2002).

You can build deeper intimacy with your partner if you don’t form a physical attachment with them outside of marriage.


3. Realize How Much God Loves You

Growing in intimacy with your partner is an excellent component of healthy relationship building. But there is an even deeper relational connection available to you—the human spirit cries out to know God’s love.

To have the best possible relationship with your partner, you first need to experience the unconditional love of your heavenly Father. As you realize—truly realize—His love for you, your life will change in amazing ways. And your relationship with your partner will reap the benefits.


For more information about how you can prepare for marriage right now, click here to pre-order Salomé’s book, Becoming the One.