Does the thought of dating someone new and letting them close to you feel scary? If it does, you are not alone.

Being open and vulnerable in a new relationship isn’t easy. When we think about revealing our heart, many of us automatically look at the places inside us where we feel shame.

“I need to be careful so this person doesn’t see this about me.”

“I don’t want to be rejected again.”

“I can’t be hurt again.”

“People only like me if I pretend to be someone else.”

Part of dating well is being open and vulnerable with someone else. Intimacy is born when two people choose one another despite the childhood wounds and painful places where they still need healing. We see one another’s shortcomings, and we choose love anyway.

As you consider being vulnerable with someone new, this is an important key:

Remember what is true about you and about God.

The following verses are foundational descriptions of your identity: who you truly are.

They aren’t merely a possibility. They are already the truth.

They aren’t based on whether or not you “deserve” them. They are what God has already said about you. You can believe them with confidence.

Fearless, Steady, Confident

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. (2 Tim. 1:7 NKJV)

Here are four declarations based on this verse:

“I think well.”
“I love well.”
“I can act with great courage.”
“I am fearless.”

Holy, New, Shameless

This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ… For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. (2 Cor. 5:17–19 NLT)

Here are four declarations based on this passage:

“I am holy. Not because I try so hard, but because of Jesus.”
“I am completely acceptable in God’s sight.”
“I am not the same person I was. He has made me new.”
“Shame no longer exists for me.”

Singing, Rejoicing, Happy

The Lord your God is in your midst,
A victorious warrior.
He will rejoice over you with joy,
He will be quiet in His love,
He will rejoice over you with shouts of joy. (Zeph. 3:17 NASB)

Here are four declarations based on this verse:

“God believes I have incredible value.”
“I am worth singing over.”
“He sings because of me—because I have made Him so very happy.”
“He is with me in a special way.”

Beloved child of God, you do not date alone! God is not standing at a distance and watching as you try to figure out things. He is right here with you, and He is helping you. You get to be confident! You are SO LOVED, and He has undone all sin and shame in your life. Go forth and date with confidence.

Want to know more about dating, marriage, and God’s heart for you?

Check out the BTO podcast, where we chat about relationships, God’s amazing love, and what He says about you and marriage in His Word.

BTO Podcast

Your heavenly Father loves you more than you realize! For more about His amazing, unending love, check out Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. The book is also available in Spanish.

Dating Well When You’re Scared