Are You Afraid You’re Making a Mistake Dating This Person?
Photo by Pavel Danilyuk
There is a big difference between godly discernment and the fear of making a mistake.
Discernment says, “I am listening to the Holy Spirit. I know what He’s saying about my relationship, and I trust Him to protect me as I move forward.”
The fear of making a mistake says, “I don’t need to listen to the Holy Spirit, because I already know what’s going on here! All my other relationships have fallen apart, and this one probably will too.”
The fear of making a mistake can actually keep you from hearing what the Lord is saying about your relationship. He might be saying, “I am delighted with the two of you together,” but the fear of making a mistake can keep you from registering His words. Even if you hear them, you probably won’t trust what you’re hearing. “I’m just making this up. I can’t actually believe this is true. It seems too good to be true.”
Here are a few things to be aware of when you’re struggling with the fear of making a mistake in your dating life.
1. When you’re afraid that you’re making a mistake, remember you are a child of God and you can hear His voice.
You can hear the Lord’s voice as He directs you and shows you where to go. This is not wishful thinking on your part; His direction is a simple fact, because you are His child. The ability to hear Him is part of who you are.
When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice. But they will never follow a stranger; in fact, they will run away from him because they do not recognize a stranger’s voice… My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. (John 10:4–5, 27 NIV)
Your own ears will hear him. Right behind you a voice will say, “This is the way you should go,” whether to the right or to the left. (Isa. 30:21 NLT)
If you feel like you can’t hear the Lord, or if you’re uncertain about what you’re hearing, ask Him to show you whether or not you’re really hearing Him. He can reassure your heart.
Also, you may want to find a parent in the faith—a mentor you respect, who understands God’s ways and His kindness—and ask them about what you’re hearing (or not hearing) from God. They can give you wise counsel.
2. When you’re afraid that you’re making a mistake, remember it is better to trust the Lord’s understanding of your relationship than your own understanding.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
And do not lean on your own understanding. (Prov. 3:5 NASB)
Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know. (GNT)
When we’re afraid, we have a tendency to believe that our understanding is more trustworthy than anyone else’s. If we want to break free from the fear of making a mistake, we have to let go of our own understanding and take hold of God’s understanding instead.
We need to learn to trust the Lord’s understanding more than our own, and we can ask Him for help in this process. “Father, I’m struggling. I’m afraid that I’ll make a mistake and end up marrying the wrong person. Would You help me overcome this fear, so I can date in peace and with joy?”
Keep in mind that when you ask for help, God will answer you. The Bible repeats this theme over and over.
3. When you’re afraid that you’re making a mistake, remember how much you are loved. Be brave and say “no” to all voices of shame and self-doubt.
Some people don’t know how to live in the awareness of God’s love. It’s something they have to grow in. “God really does love me. That is what the Bible says, and I believe it. I am loved right now, even if I can’t feel it. His love for me is my truth.”
Knowing you are loved might be something you need to practice. As you go through your day, purposefully tell yourself how much God loves you. Set reminders on your phone so you keep coming back to this truth. Leave notes for yourself. It might be helpful to say the words out loud: “I am the treasure of God. He adores me. I am so special to Him.”
Keep going with this exercise even if it feels awkward in the beginning. As you declare the love of the Lord, His truth will gradually take up more space inside you. What began as “just words” will become firm and rock-like.
Trust the Lord, Not Yourself, to Keep You Safe in Your Relationship
Stephen K. De Silva recently posted, “Whenever our belief systems are stunted, our skills don’t matter. Our skills always slip down to the level of what we believe.”
He was talking about money, but the same is true with dating. We could be the best boyfriend/girlfriend in the world, but if we believe we’re making a mistake, that belief is “louder” than everything else.
Don’t be afraid to give this fear of making a mistake to the Lord. You can trust Him to keep you safe as you date.
Does your heart need to remember who God is? Check out these other devotions:
For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more. The book is also available in Spanish.