How to Reignite a Relationship That Feels Tired

Photo by Nine Kopfer

Photo by Nine Kopfer

Going through a “dry spell” in your relationship doesn’t mean the two of you aren’t right for each other or the relationship is doomed.

Just as a garden starts to dry up without water, a relationship can dry up without purposeful intent. Delight is something that must be nurtured over the long haul.

James J. Sexton, an author and divorce lawyer, said in an interview earlier this year:

The world is antagonistic to marriages, and there are a million different things that limit your access to your spouse’s attention. And if you don’t do the work of constantly checking in, of keeping that connection, you will lose it.

Relationships tend to dry out on their own. This is true when you’re dating, and perhaps it is especially true a few years into your marriage when life has fallen into a routine of sorts.

Delight is powerful and has the potential to change a “parched” relationship into a thriving one. When you choose to delight in your partner, it’s like pouring water on thirsty ground. Things start growing again and new life appears.

Here are a few simple ways you can rekindle your delight in your significant other:

1. Go back to the beginning.

If your relationship is like a skyscraper, your friendship with your partner is the foundation that holds everything else in place.

If you’ve hit a dry spot in your relationship, focus on your friendship with this person. Go out and do things the way you did back at the beginning, when you were just friends.

  • Did you like going on hikes?

  • Did you like trying out new coffee shops?

  • Did you go biking, waterskiing, or running together?

  • Did you like going to fancy restaurants or hole-in-the-wall diners?

  • Did you like going to movies together?

In her article “Top 4 Worst Reasons to Get a Divorce,” Cathy Meyer writes:

Boredom is not a reason to divorce. It is a great reason to kick things up a notch, to find fun and interesting things to do together. If you got bored with your job would you quit the job? Anything in life can become boring when we stop doing things to keep it interesting. 

2. Relearn what your loved one enjoys, and go do those things with them.

I like going for long walks that give Leon and me time to refocus and talk about everything we’re doing and thinking. I also like going to special dinners where I can dress up and look pretty for him.

Leon likes going to movies, traveling, and taking time off so he feels like we’re on a mini-vacation or a honeymoon.

What does your partner enjoy doing? What could you do with them to show your love?

These special outings will help keep your relationship going strong. Try to make your partner feel loved and special in a way that is outside your normal routine.

3. Be brave and try new things with your partner.

As Cathy Meyer says, “Just like with happiness, marriage isn’t supposed to be one long-lasting party. If you find yourself bored, add some adventure to your life.”

Consider this question seriously—how could you add a little adventure to your love life? Put together a simple plan and go do it.

  • Cook a fancy or difficult meal together.

  • Go to a unique sporting event.

  • Go to a concert that features a new artist.

  • Go to a seminar on a strange topic.

You could also figure out some ways to give back to your community together. What’s in your heart for your city? What’s in your partner’s heart? How do you want to impact other people with God’s love?

  • Volunteer at a school event.

  • Work at a soup kitchen.

  • Visit a nursing home.

  • Take someone else’s kids to the movies.

When you do things together for the sake of being with one another, these are the moments that build good memories and really bring you and your partner together.

4. Go to workshops and conferences for dating or married couples.

Many people don’t take advantage of what is available to them. “A marriage conference? Really? But we aren’t having problems! Life is just a little slow right now.”

If you start this kind of training early in your relationship—even though it might seem unnecessary at the time—you will see your friendship with this special person grow.

We don’t always realize the library of information, knowledge, and understanding that can be found in other people. Checking out the occasional workshop or conference can add wisdom and new life to your relationship.

5. Ask God for ideas.

God loves you, and your dating or marriage relationship is important to Him. He sees the big picture, which means He knows why other people need you and what He’s put inside you as a couple.

You might find it helpful to do this little exercise:

For the next seven days, spend time with God in the morning and ask Him, “What is one thing I could do today to increase my delight in my partner?”

Do whatever you feel He puts on your heart.

 

Interested in reading more? Here are a few other articles on related topics:

For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more.

You can also order the book in Spanish. Click here.

 

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