Dating and Marriage: Where’s God in Times of Suffering?
Photo by Nina Köpfer
Several years ago I started a support group for women who had miscarried and wanted to get pregnant. I miscarried twice after the birth of my son, so I’m familiar with the anguish and confusion that can accompany this kind of heartache.
In this group I met a woman I will call Teresa. She’d miscarried a few times and had lost the one child she’d been able to carry full term. The little baby was born deformed and later died. It was like she came to the group trembling. Her heart and circumstances told her God had abandoned her, but she didn’t want to believe it.
Teresa ended up getting pregnant soon after she started attending our prayer meetings. The tiny, precious child the Lord gave her was born with Down syndrome and autism, but it was like these challenges didn’t even matter—Teresa was utterly delighted. She loved this baby so much and never considered him unwanted.
Her husband, however, had a really hard time accepting this child.
Randy couldn’t see his son as a gift from God. The child seemed more like a mistake to him, and Randy found himself in the uncomfortable position of having to answer some deep and serious questions about his faith. Why would God do this?
As their marriage grew stiff and difficult, my friend Teresa felt abandoned all over again.
But she didn’t give up. Yes, the child she’d hoped and prayed for had been born with some challenges, but she refused to doubt God’s character as a good Father.
Randy wrestled with depression and anguish, and Teresa’s world was shaken, but she stood firm and trusted in God’s promise to be faithful, to love well, to be with them. She stubbornly held on to the truth of His Word.
The Outcome of Trusting in God
Lord, even when your path takes me through
the valley of deepest darkness,
fear will never conquer me, for you already have!
You remain close to me and lead me through it all the way.
Your authority is my strength and my peace.
The comfort of your love takes away my fear.
I’ll never be lonely, for you are near. (Psalm 23:4 TPT)
One day when her son was about 20 years old, I asked Teresa, “What kept you and your husband together?”
She told me a secret—something that shouldn’t be a secret, but it often is in our culture.
“When we got married, we knew that this was God’s will for us,” she said. “My parents prayed for me since I was a little girl to marry the man that God had for me, and I did. When I dated other guys, my parents knew that they weren’t God’s will for me, and I listened to them and broke off the relationships. But with Randy, we all knew it was God’s will.”
She also explained that marriage is a covenant, something that endures even when times are hard. “No matter what tests and struggles we encounter, we know that marriage is a covenant and a commitment for life.”
Both Teresa and Randy emerged from that difficult season stronger than ever. They found the healing they desperately needed and were able to conceive three more children, all of them healthy.
“God is so good!” Teresa told me. “Those prayers we prayed twenty years ago were answered. God has blessed me and my husband so much!”
God’s Extravagant Love for YOU
Abba Father is crazy in love with all His children. The presence of struggles and trials doesn’t mean God loves us less—it means we’ve been born into a fallen world where sin still exists. All of us need to learn to cling to Him no matter what happens.
I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. (John 16:33 NIV)
In times of hardship and suffering, the way we hold on to Jesus opens up compassion and vulnerability in our hearts. We start to understand others’ pain more and—depending on what the Lord is doing—we might even hear His voice for them, just as Teresa’s parents heard His voice for her. She knew the Lord’s will for her, and this helped her keep going even when she couldn’t see clearly. Because she chose to trust in God, she now rejoices.
When we’re struggling and in pain, it’s possible to draw close to God and discover in a brand-new way how He’s light in darkness. Certain struggles bring incredible, weighty blessing as we start to understand the Lord is always close to us, even when we don’t feel Him at all.
As others see our confidence and peace—all because of our Father—they will start to understand His purpose was never to harm us but to give us hope and a good future.
Marriage exists to bring glory to God. In all things we can trust Him—in times of plenty and in times of want or grief. As we trust Him with our marriages, we will see His blessings in extravagant, mind-boggling ways that completely delight us.
Interested in reading more about dating, relationships, and your walk with God? Here are a few articles on related topics:
For more information on sex, marriage, and finding the person who is right for you, get a copy of Becoming the One by Salomé Roat. Click here to learn more.
You can also order the book in Spanish.